That's Not Who I am Anymore
Hi everyone!! Thanks for all the comments on my last post, you are all too good to me! Camping was awesome, pics to come soon! There were 9 people and 7 dogs, Willow had a blast!! I'll tell you more about it later. We have to buy a new keyboard, because someone (me) knocked some water on it and fried it!! Sad!!!
So I did really good with my eating for most the weekend. I didn't really count points, but tried to make better food choices, eat smaller portions, and to pay attention to my body's signals. I also made sure to get lots of walking, hiking, and biking in. Last night on the way home, Mike mentioned Pizza for dinner because we were both too tired to cook. I thought, yeah that would be okay. I'll just make sure to again, listen to my body. Hmmm....
Well usually we order from Domino's, and get two med pizzas and an order of Buffalo wings (I've told this before, sorry for being repetitive). I usually eat about 3-4 slices of pizza and all the buffalo wings. Yup, all of them! So last night, I thought we'll just get a pizza. But then... the rationalization started... and the craving.... and before you know it we've ordered a large pizza and wings.
It comes, and smells divine! I'm still telling myself I'll be good, I can handle this. And I totally could of. But I allowed myself to fall into the old pattern of rationalization and stuffing myself - NOT because I really wanted it, but because... it's what I do. Before when I would do this, I would get to the end and yes, be TOTALLY stuffed, but have that satisfaction of stuffing my emotions and being full. Well last night that is not how I felt. I felt SICK!! I had eaten way too much (which was only half of what I would have eaten five months ago). I didn't feel satisfied at all, I wanted to throw up. I realized it didn't even taste as good as it use to, and that I just kept eating because that who I was. But when I was done, I realized I'm not that person anymore. I'm the person who has two slices with some salad, no wings, and calls it good! I don't take satisfaction out of stuffing myself anymore, it makes me sick. And I was, all night! I woke up like three times to go to the bathroom!
So even though this was not exactly a win, in a way it was. Because I recognize growth in the fact that I'm not that person anymore. I don't need food to satisfy me, because I can find that in other places. Like in my clothes fitting better, believing Mike when he tells me I'm beautiful, being able to work out and keep up with Mike, and knowing that I'm doing good things for myself, and ultimately my family!
So I did really good with my eating for most the weekend. I didn't really count points, but tried to make better food choices, eat smaller portions, and to pay attention to my body's signals. I also made sure to get lots of walking, hiking, and biking in. Last night on the way home, Mike mentioned Pizza for dinner because we were both too tired to cook. I thought, yeah that would be okay. I'll just make sure to again, listen to my body. Hmmm....
Well usually we order from Domino's, and get two med pizzas and an order of Buffalo wings (I've told this before, sorry for being repetitive). I usually eat about 3-4 slices of pizza and all the buffalo wings. Yup, all of them! So last night, I thought we'll just get a pizza. But then... the rationalization started... and the craving.... and before you know it we've ordered a large pizza and wings.
It comes, and smells divine! I'm still telling myself I'll be good, I can handle this. And I totally could of. But I allowed myself to fall into the old pattern of rationalization and stuffing myself - NOT because I really wanted it, but because... it's what I do. Before when I would do this, I would get to the end and yes, be TOTALLY stuffed, but have that satisfaction of stuffing my emotions and being full. Well last night that is not how I felt. I felt SICK!! I had eaten way too much (which was only half of what I would have eaten five months ago). I didn't feel satisfied at all, I wanted to throw up. I realized it didn't even taste as good as it use to, and that I just kept eating because that who I was. But when I was done, I realized I'm not that person anymore. I'm the person who has two slices with some salad, no wings, and calls it good! I don't take satisfaction out of stuffing myself anymore, it makes me sick. And I was, all night! I woke up like three times to go to the bathroom!
So even though this was not exactly a win, in a way it was. Because I recognize growth in the fact that I'm not that person anymore. I don't need food to satisfy me, because I can find that in other places. Like in my clothes fitting better, believing Mike when he tells me I'm beautiful, being able to work out and keep up with Mike, and knowing that I'm doing good things for myself, and ultimately my family!
Comments
You're doing great!
~Margene
In order to release my bad story, I view all my old stories as old newspapers. Would I want to reread the same newspaper everyday of my life?! Would I move all my old newspapers with me when I get a new home, new relationship, new job etc? NO!!! That would make no sense. I would throw all those old papers and stories IN THE TRASH! "I USED TO be that way...not anymore!" Time to form some healthy, NEW stories about you! :)