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Sunday, August 10, 2014

My goals for the week

Well I did pretty good for several weeks! I even did 26.5 miles one week!! Woo hooo!! I'd gotten a little off track again, and then last week I got very ill and ended up with Strep all week. Nothing like a week in bed with the chills and hot flashes that makes you want to take better care of your health!! SOOO.... I'm starting to feel better and am ready to get back on track this week. 

My goals for this week - putting them out there so I can stay accountable: 

1. Measure and track every bite on MFP. I'm not going to get crazy with eating a perfect diet. Just going to... eat and track. I'll work on getting in my veggies and fruits, but I'm not going to "eat clean" as the saying goes. I do have plans to make dinner every night and to eat from home all week.
2. Get caught up at work. This means working 6am-12pm and during Emma's afternoon nap. This sounds easy - but I really struggle with the 6am thing. But I have to do it. 
3. Claim the house again. Haha As you can imagine, it's a bit of a mess. So I am going to get the cleaning under control. This will probably be about all the real exercise I can handle, I'm still pretty low on energy.
4. If by some miracle I do have some energy to spare, then I want to get in a few walks. I'd also like to take Emma swimming and to a splash pad. She has been stuck in side too, and I want to get out and enjoy our last days of Summer together.
5. My last goal is to NOT spend my evenings watching TV. There are many things I want to do and I always claim I don't have time to fit them in. But then I spend a good couple of hours watching TV at night. I've decided it's time to cut that out and focus that time on more productive and satisfying projects. Whether it be cleaning, crafting, or exercise. Something that's for... me. Doesn't mean I won't ever watch TV, but I'm going to limit myself to one episode a day, and try and do something with my hands at the same time.

Here's to a great week! :D

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Back in the saddle again!

Well things around have here have taken a big 180. And I am loving it!

A couple weeks ago I was really in a funk. Okay, let's be honest here, I've been in a funk for a long time (like a year... or more). While I LOVE being a mom (like seriously, love love love!), and love being a wife, and enjoy the majority of my life. I have just had these internal struggles still about weight. And nagging endless questions about should I diet, or should I not or BLAH BLAH BLAH. Seriously, I'm so over it. Anyway, needless to say I've been living in limbo town and it sucks! And honestly, it was an excuse.

I'd gotten into this terrible habit of watching TV shows on Netflix until 2am. Like every night. Not good! I'm not sure why really - I think because I could just zone out. I wasn't responsible for anyone. And I didn't have to re-hash my "woes". One night I was again... watching my show and had this random thought to Google for some new weight loss blogs to read. I know people say the Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight - but I truly believe it was his prompting that I do this. I came across a new blog. I stopped watching my show, and from 2am-3am I sat and read probably 10 or more of her posts. 

And something just... clicked! 

Her name is Katie, and you can find her blog at http://www.runsforcookies.com/. Below I am going to link to the several posts that really got me thinking. The short of it is that she is pretty much amazing! But real! You know, someone I think if I knew in real life, we would be friends! (Although as of yet, I haven't even commented on her blog, so this might come of a bit of shock to her. Haha.) She lost 126lbs in 16 months through exercise and nutrition. And still eating treats!! Anyway, go to her blog to read about her awesomness! 

But there were a couple of really key ideas and principles that I took away from her blog that night that have helped me completely turn around and head back down the path to health.

Motivation Vs. Determination - this is a great post! And she really got me thinking about my own determination, and how I was kind of (and by kind of I mean absolutely)... lacking in (and by lacking in, I mean hiding from) it. I have a LOT of really great motivating things in my life - reasons for me to change. And yet.... and yet I wasn't. I was eating my heart out, barely exercising, binging (a lot), all while getting more and more frustrated with myself. Not once did I say "Self, you CAN do this. And we are going to do this. Now. No more excuses." I kept letting my confusion between dieting and intuitive eating keep me from actually doing anything!

Binge Eating - This is a biggie for me. If you've read my blog at all, or know me at all, then you know that I really struggle with this. She also struggles with this and some of the things she wrote about it I really connected with! I've made some progress in this area. I haven't completely stopped binging (yet), but I am holding myself accountable by tracking what I eat during them. Also, trying REALLY hard not to judge myself for it - and to just try to understand what the cause was and how to avoid it. Progress, not perfection. :) 

What I am willing to do, and what I'm not - this one has a couple of posts worth reading. Read this one and this one! You know, this isn't really a new concept to a diet junky like myself. "I'm not on a diet, I'm making life changes" yada yada yada. But Katie put said it in a way that really just feels... doaable. I'm not going to tell what she says - you have to go read! :D But it's awesome, and it really has connected the dot for me personally between counting calories and intuitive eating. Making them both something that will work for me. 

There are so many other good posts - when you go to her blog click on her Directory and check them out! 

Since that night I've made a lot of great changes. Most importantly  - I stopped hiding from my determination! And I made my own list of things I'm not willing to do/willing to do. And in that have easily been doing the following:
1. I've been using My Fitness Pal to track all my calories. Love this app!!
2. I'm still eating pretty much the same foods I was before (including cookies, ice cream, pizza, and other treats), I'm just making more of an effort to include more fruits and veggies. I expect that as I continue my choices will continue to get better and better. Also that my tastes will change. We shall see. :)
3. I'm measuring or weighing all of my food and watching my serving sizes. 
4. And I've really amped up my exercise - because it feels good!! Yes, I love adding calories burned into MFP, but what I love even more is the burn in my legs knowing that I USED them! Previously I was walking 2-3 times a week, 2 miles per walk. Last week I walked a total of 15.5 miles. This week I'm already at 6. Loving it! I've even started jogging a little. I can't tell you how much joy this brings me! I want to show Emma how fun it is to use your body and to be able to keep up with her when she does!
5. I decided to count calories, not WW points. But I am going to continue going to the meetings - for now. Honestly, I joined WW several months ago and have done it like two days. Not really sure why - probably just another excuse. And even though I don't want to follow their plan, I do get a lot out of their meetings and being with others striving for health. I had actually already been contemplating dropping WW, and Katie had some interesting things to say about it in this post that helped me decide that for me - calorie counting was going to be best.
6. I stopped watching Netflix until all hours of the night. 

Over the last week and 1/2 I've lost 4.9lbs. But even more importantly than that, I feel so happy and positive about these changes! I'm actually excited to get up in the morning and go for my daily walk with Emma and our friends. 

It's nice to feel good about myself again! More to come!!

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Profound words

Usually when I sign up for WW (because sadly, I've done it what feels like a million times) there is this excitement and drive to be perfect. And I track every bite. And I eat all my veggies, and live with a water bottle at my side. I always have that honeymoon where I drop a good 10lbs before I start to stumble a little. 

This time, no honeymoon. I'm just stumbling. 

The thing is, it's okay. 

Maybe I am taking a page out of Intuitive Eating still, but even though I haven't been tracking. Or really doing much more than attending the meetings, it's okay. I have been patient with myself about it. I haven't judged it, or myself. I've been able to see that things in my life are just a "little" crazy right now and the stress and emotions are just to heavy right now. And... it's okay. (I have been walking again and am up to about 6-8 miles a week. Loving that!!)

I'm attending a meeting once a week, and that has been awesome! I have had some great insights and although I'm not following plan, I still see the value in going. And although I'm not following plan, my eating habits are changing. Some days are better than others, but there is progress. And for now, that is enough. 

So the profound words I speak of in the title of my post are not my own. They come from the meeting I attended tonight. We had been talking about shifting our focus during the week from "weight loss" to "living on plan". Rather than stressing about losing weight or not, focusing more on the steps to get there. Eating great foods, within points, hitting the heatlhy checks, etc. 

The leader mentioned on the Today show a segment they did called "Love your selfie". They had the hosts stand in front of a mirror and say what they saw. She said it was surprising how someone she thought was so beautiful or handsome didn't see it. And then she said something I loved! 

She said we have to remember that inside is a soul. And that soul is beautiful. And that no matter what we see when we look in the mirror, if we could take that soul out and look at it in the mirror, it would be so easy to fall in love with ourselves.

I think that so often we just focus on the packaging. We stare at it, we despise it, we criticize it, we criticize other's packaging, and occasionally we may like or love it too. I think too often we forget that while our bodies are definitely a gift from God, and deserve our love and respect, they do not make up who we are. Too often we get the two confused. And then we just end up in a world of hurt and pain unnecessarily.

This week I am going to try and be better about being on plan. And I am going to focus on remembering the person I am on the inside is already amazing and wonderful. And even more than that - the person on the inside of my family and loved ones are truly beautiful. They deserve love and respect and kindness. So does every stranger on the street - no matter what they look like. And so do I.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

My week in review

Well, this week went fairly well. I made my weekly menu, and did really well sticking to it until the weekend. Weekends are just tough. Mike isn't here most of it, and it's so easy to just eat. I made the mistake of making some of the menu items to difficult. So when it came time to make them over the weekend, I just didn't want to. While I didn't do horrible, it wasn't as well as I wanted. It's clear that next week, for the weekend, I am going to choose very simple meals that require little cooking. I think I'll do better with that. 

Unfortunately we didn't get to go out and do our daily walk this week because Emma came down with a little cold. It wasn't terrible, but between that and the weather dropping just a little, I didn't want to risk her getting worse. I'm really looking forward to adding this to our day this coming week! I'm ready to move! 

I did sign up for WW and attend my first meeting. It was good to be back. Hard in some ways, because I think about all the times I've been there before. If I had just kept at it. But... I'm not going to dwell on the past. I'm just going to be grateful I have the opportunity to change today and my future. 

One of the things they encouraged us to do this week was to ask ourselves before we ate anything, "Is it worth it"? I really liked this, because so often I just go for what is easy and quick. Not necessarily what is good, beautiful, nutritious, and yummy. There were several times that I asked this, and the answer was no. And sometimes I didn't end up eating it. And sometimes I did. I decided not to judge myself for that - but just to be aware and observe. It was a step forward. 

The other thing the leader brought up in regards to "Is it worth it?", was also asking "Am I worth it?". I thought that was a really good thing to think about to. This week as I move forward and get back on track I want to remember this. 

Am I worth it? 

Worth eating healthy for? Worth loving myself with healthy food and enjoyable movement? Worth accepting and loving? Yes. Yes. Yes! 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Going back to move forward

Well I think I've come up with what I want to do. Over the last few weeks I've really considered a lot of different options. Different diet plans, workout plans, non-workout plans, non-diet plans, gastric by pass, prescription medication, and so on and so on. Last night as I sat here typing up that post I started thinking about the year 2010. That was a good year for me. I lost 45lbs. I was running all the time, felt so great about myself, and my health. I blogged 167 times about my life. While all of these may have been about me, it was in a good way. It was taking care of myself so that I could be a better wife, daughter, and friend. 

I'm finding that with our schedule the way it is, and with adding the title of mommy - I very rarely am finding any time for anything that... fills up my cup. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom! And I love being a wife! These two things bring me so much joy and do fill up my cup. But they also drain it too sometimes. It feels like more often than not I run toward the empty side. And that is to no one's benefit.

So I've decided to make this simple. I'm going to go back to what I was doing - that was WORKING. Duh. Sometimes we just make things so difficult for ourselves. I don't plan to make a million changes all at once - because I know what will happen if I do that. But at some point over the next year, I want to work all of these changes into my life. 

These three will start happening this coming week:
*Sign up for WW and attend a weekly meeting.
*Start going on a daily 1 mile walk. This is as much for the exercise, as just the opportunity for Emma and I to get out of the house, enjoy sunshine, and hopefully have nice chats with friends that may join us.
*Create a weekly meal plan, make a grocery list, and go shopping. (This may sound difficult - but I actually used to LOVE doing this)

To be added in as I go:
*Work up to blogging several times a week again. I have a feeling my posts will be a lot shorter than they used to be (then again, maybe not. hahaha I do have a lot to say). I found so much value in sharing my feelings, frustrations, and successes. It was very therapeutic and I think it had a lot to do with my success.
*Walk/jog a 5k end of May or beginning of June and a 10K in Moab in Dec. 
*Go hiking at least once a week. My feet need to build up some strength again before I will start doing this. I hope to start in May.
*Move from walking back into jogging. At my peak, I was able to jog 2.5 miles straight. I started that year just by walking. Then increasing my walking distance. Then starting to jog intermittently, from tree to tree. And then slowly increasing the distances I was jogging. I'm going to do the same thing this summer. 
*Riding my bike several times a week. I got a road bike for Christmas, but I've only been able to ride it a few times. The biggest problem is that when I sit on it, I can't breath because my weight pushes into my ribs. I think I'm going to have to drop a little weight first, but I'll keep trying it and soon hope to be riding it on constant basis.

I'm sure I'll think of more things along the way, but that's the immediate plan.

Yes, this is about weight loss. But more than that, it's about life changes. I want to be healthy, so that I can teach my children how to be healthy. I want to have self esteem so that I can be an example for Emma. I want to live life to it's fullest - by enjoying good food, fun family activities, and helping others. I want to get to the end of my life and have much to show for it. There are many habits and things in my life that I want to let go of. The great thing is that every day is a new day to be the person I want to be. I don't have to wait to be happy "when"... I start right now to enjoy my life as it is! And live in a way that will make tomorrow a great day too!

Friday, April 11, 2014

I'll be happy when....

Today felt like a crossroads kind of day. One of those days where you finally get real with yourself, with what your life is, and what you want it to be. 

It's so easy to think "I'll be happy when..."

"I'll be happy when I'm married."

"I'll be happy when I'm XXXlbs."

"I'll be happy when I fit in my clothes better."

"I'll be happy when we are out of debt."

"I'll be happy when the house is clean."

"I'll be happy when I'm a mother."

On a show that I'm watching one of the characters said something that has kind of stuck with me. He said that what happiness is, is wanting what you already have. And it's not that any one of these things wouldn't or hasn't brought me happiness. I think the key is finding happiness in just being where you're at, with what you have, and with who you love. And while some areas of my life bring me more joy than I ever thought possible, I'm not quite "happy" with where I am at. 

I've felt pretty stuck lately. My thoughts and ideas about self and weight loss have become pretty twisted, and in doing so have really helped me pack on the lbs. I've always been really open about numbers on this blog - never feeling like I had anything to hide. This is the first time I don't want to post how much I weigh. Mostly because I don't want to face the reality, not because I really care what others think about it. 

When I say my thoughts have become twisted, what I mean is that it's almost like I am on information overload. I love the idea of Intuitive Eating (IE) and principles they teach. I don't want to diet and have freedom to eat the foods I want - and I want to want healthy foods. But the reality is when I try this, I mostly end up eating way too much food and only the "fun" foods - in the name of IE. Which is not IE at all! And on the other hand I think there are several good plans and diets that I could be successful at. But the problem is every time I try and start the things I learned from IE about dieting start to come up and then I get all confused, and it's this whole vicious cycle. And I've been on it for months. And I'm tired of it. 

I don't really know what the answer is yet. But before the weekend is out, I will have it. 


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Time to cleanse!

Wow - 2013 was such an awesome year!

Flip book of our year - click here!

See what I mean?? Awesome! 

I have to admit I'm really excited about 2014 too! Not only do I get the sheer pleasure of watching Emma grow from a baby into a toddler, I have some plans for myself to do some growing as well.

2014 is going to be a year of cleansing.

Cleaning my spirit by getting back to the basics. I will do this by reading the Book of Mormon, and attending the temple once a month, and focusing on attending my meetings. Basics.

Cleansing my heart and mind of negative feelings of self and others.

Cleansing my body of unwanted weight through good nutrition and exercise. Keeping it simple here folks. Simple foods, simple guidelines, and fun activity! I received a road bike for Christmas, so I'm excited to get rolling on that ASAP! And I want to get back in to jogging.

Cleansing my (our) pocketbook by following our plan to get out of debt and staying on a budget.

Cleansing our home by sticking to my cleaning schedule. And also by using time I normally might use to watch TV to purge our house of excess. There is much to do - bring it on!

It's going to be a great year. Time to shed some weight, both literally and mentally.