Back in the saddle again!

Well things around have here have taken a big 180. And I am loving it!

A couple weeks ago I was really in a funk. Okay, let's be honest here, I've been in a funk for a long time (like a year... or more). While I LOVE being a mom (like seriously, love love love!), and love being a wife, and enjoy the majority of my life. I have just had these internal struggles still about weight. And nagging endless questions about should I diet, or should I not or BLAH BLAH BLAH. Seriously, I'm so over it. Anyway, needless to say I've been living in limbo town and it sucks! And honestly, it was an excuse.

I'd gotten into this terrible habit of watching TV shows on Netflix until 2am. Like every night. Not good! I'm not sure why really - I think because I could just zone out. I wasn't responsible for anyone. And I didn't have to re-hash my "woes". One night I was again... watching my show and had this random thought to Google for some new weight loss blogs to read. I know people say the Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight - but I truly believe it was his prompting that I do this. I came across a new blog. I stopped watching my show, and from 2am-3am I sat and read probably 10 or more of her posts. 

And something just... clicked! 

Her name is Katie, and you can find her blog at http://www.runsforcookies.com/. Below I am going to link to the several posts that really got me thinking. The short of it is that she is pretty much amazing! But real! You know, someone I think if I knew in real life, we would be friends! (Although as of yet, I haven't even commented on her blog, so this might come of a bit of shock to her. Haha.) She lost 126lbs in 16 months through exercise and nutrition. And still eating treats!! Anyway, go to her blog to read about her awesomness! 

But there were a couple of really key ideas and principles that I took away from her blog that night that have helped me completely turn around and head back down the path to health.

Motivation Vs. Determination - this is a great post! And she really got me thinking about my own determination, and how I was kind of (and by kind of I mean absolutely)... lacking in (and by lacking in, I mean hiding from) it. I have a LOT of really great motivating things in my life - reasons for me to change. And yet.... and yet I wasn't. I was eating my heart out, barely exercising, binging (a lot), all while getting more and more frustrated with myself. Not once did I say "Self, you CAN do this. And we are going to do this. Now. No more excuses." I kept letting my confusion between dieting and intuitive eating keep me from actually doing anything!

Binge Eating - This is a biggie for me. If you've read my blog at all, or know me at all, then you know that I really struggle with this. She also struggles with this and some of the things she wrote about it I really connected with! I've made some progress in this area. I haven't completely stopped binging (yet), but I am holding myself accountable by tracking what I eat during them. Also, trying REALLY hard not to judge myself for it - and to just try to understand what the cause was and how to avoid it. Progress, not perfection. :) 

What I am willing to do, and what I'm not - this one has a couple of posts worth reading. Read this one and this one! You know, this isn't really a new concept to a diet junky like myself. "I'm not on a diet, I'm making life changes" yada yada yada. But Katie put said it in a way that really just feels... doaable. I'm not going to tell what she says - you have to go read! :D But it's awesome, and it really has connected the dot for me personally between counting calories and intuitive eating. Making them both something that will work for me. 

There are so many other good posts - when you go to her blog click on her Directory and check them out! 

Since that night I've made a lot of great changes. Most importantly  - I stopped hiding from my determination! And I made my own list of things I'm not willing to do/willing to do. And in that have easily been doing the following:

1. I've been using My Fitness Pal to track all my calories. Love this app!!

2. I'm still eating pretty much the same foods I was before (including cookies, ice cream, pizza, and other treats), I'm just making more of an effort to include more fruits and veggies. I expect that as I continue my choices will continue to get better and better. Also that my tastes will change. We shall see. :)

3. I'm measuring or weighing all of my food and watching my serving sizes. 

4. And I've really amped up my exercise - because it feels good!! Yes, I love adding calories burned into MFP, but what I love even more is the burn in my legs knowing that I USED them! Previously I was walking 2-3 times a week, 2 miles per walk. Last week I walked a total of 15.5 miles. This week I'm already at 6. Loving it! I've even started jogging a little. I can't tell you how much joy this brings me! I want to show Emma how fun it is to use your body and to be able to keep up with her when she does!

5. I decided to count calories, not WW points. But I am going to continue going to the meetings - for now. Honestly, I joined WW several months ago and have done it like two days. Not really sure why - probably just another excuse. And even though I don't want to follow their plan, I do get a lot out of their meetings and being with others striving for health. I had actually already been contemplating dropping WW, and Katie had some interesting things to say about it in this post that helped me decide that for me - calorie counting was going to be best.

6. I stopped watching Netflix until all hours of the night. 

Over the last week and 1/2 I've lost 4.9lbs. But even more importantly than that, I feel so happy and positive about these changes! I'm actually excited to get up in the morning and go for my daily walk with Emma and our friends. 

It's nice to feel good about myself again! More to come!!