Sunday, September 26, 2010

Learning to Crawl

Don't miss out on the opportunity for BLOG CANDY! Read my last post too!!

So this last week was much better. I finally feel like I'm getting the hang of my new job. I'm still slow and ask LOTS of questions, but it doesn't sound like someone is speaking gibberish to me when I get the answers - so that's good! :) I ended up taking Thursday off because I wasn't feeling well. I've been having headaches a lot and it finally just got to me. I think they are due to all the sugar I've been eating (more on that in a minute) and my screen at work was all funky. But the fabulous IT department got my screen fixed, and I'll be coming down off my sugar high soon, so... it's all good. The day off really did me wonders though, I was able to get some real sleep and spent the day in silence. No music. No TV. No movies. No phone. It was wonderful! I just spent time with me. And Willow of course.

Friday was Mike's birthday! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY my love!! We've had a lot of good times in the last 6 years!!

I just love you SOOO much! Every day I thank my Father in heaven that he gave you to me. That he prompted me to go back to the Grub so we could meet. You are the joy of my life and I cannot imagine it without you. Thank you for all the hard work you do at work, and at home. You are so good to me, and I adore you!! I'm so proud of you for doing the two triathlons that you did, and know you will continue to get better and better until you are winning them! :) Happy Birthday!!

So things in the eating realm are going pretty well. I can tell that I've gained some weight, but... I'm okay with that. I am learning and know that as I continue to figure this out, it will come off. As mentioned a couple of posts ago, I am in the "eat anything I want stage". And believe me, I have worked this stage! :) I'm starting to realize that eating like this, while fun at first, is not something I want to do for my whole life. I feel lethargic most days, I have no energy, I just want to sleep. My exercise has pretty much come to a screeching halt. But I have been learning a lot about myself. I have been doing really well with only eating when I'm hungry. I am listening to my body and can feel the different stages of hunger really well. I know when it's time to eat. Sometimes I'm not able to eat then, so I also recognize when I have gone past that and am too hungry - which leads to problems.

I still am struggling with recognizing the fullness signal. Actually, no, I recognize it. I'm having trouble honoring it. I finally realized why though, I was still eating with distractions. Reading, watching TV, blogging etc. I kept thinking to myself, I'll just sit here and watch this, but I will also pay attention. And then I never would and I would eat right past full. Or I would only take a small amount with me thinking that would stop me, but then I'd just get more. I have also started watching Buffy (The Vampire Slayer series) again. There was about a year and 1/2 when that is about all we did. Watch and eat. So the fact that I turned it on again, not good.

The good news is that I recognized what was going on after only a couple of days, and have put a stop to it. On Thursday I boxed up all my diet books, food scale, and real scale. I also boxed up Buffy. I realize that I no longer need her as a coping mechanism (Yes, I am a dork, and I know it. ;D). I can cope just fine on my own, thank you. So my focus this week is to truly eat with no distractions. So our new rule in the house, we only eat in the kitchen. It goes back to habits. I have habits in the past of stuffing myself while watching a movie. Eating and eating and eating while reading a book in bed. Mindless stuffing food in my mouth while playing on the computer. But I don't really have any habit's associated with eating in the kitchen. And I'm not talking about eating at the refrigerator. I mean, we sit down and have a meal as a family at the kitchen table. We talk. We share. We eat. And... we have this new habit - we stop when we are satisfied! It's amazing! It seems to be really working... huh, who would've thought! ;)

As mentioned, I've been really tired. But I am starting to get to the point where I know that I can have ANY food I want, but... I don't want it. The other day I went grocery shopping. And I walked down the cookie, candy, and cracker isle. I told myself, "Okay Sam, you can have ANYTHING you want. You can only choose one, but it can be ANYTHING!". There were things that I considered, but when it came down to it, you know what I chose? Not the oreos, not the twinkies, not the rolos, not the taffy cookies. I chose Popcorn. So while I am still making choices that are probably not the most nutritious, I am starting to see that I don't have to eat this kind of food, if I don't want to. That I don't need it. And in some cases, I don't even want it! I'm starting to crave my fruits and veggies again. I actually ate some this week. I'm getting sick of eating out. We built it into our budget as that has always been a part of the "I can't have that, I'm dieting". I needed to be able to eat those things and know, that I would be able to eat them again (when the budget allowed of course). I've started thinking about getting out my recipe books and trying some new things. Things I skimmed over because they didn't fit in the "diet" but that would still actually be quite good for us.

I really feel like I'm making progress.

The other thing is that I am starting to want to jog again. I have slipped enough, that I don't really know where I am at or what I could do. I have a friend that she and I are going to walk twice a week. I think that is perfect. When I began exercising this year, that is exactly what I did. A couple of friends and I went walking. Not even really fast walking. Just walking to enjoy each other and enjoy being out doors. And I slowly worked up to jogging. I've decided to do the same thing. I'm not going to push myself. I know I want to jog again, but I am not going to stress out over it. I am going to go at my own pace. Last time it took me 2-3 months to get up to jogging 2-3 miles. I don't think it will take near as long this time, as I am still in pretty good shape. I also wanted to hike the A&B hike this year, but I just don't know if it's going to happen. I might still try for the end of October, but by then it may be too late in the season. If not, then in the spring for sure! I also know that as I increase my exercise again, my body will start craving real food. Food that will really give it the energy it needs. And I'm happy to say that my heart and mind are not too far from that. Life is good!!


Saturday, September 25, 2010

101 Followers, Blog Candy, and Awards Galore for YOU!

Did you see???!!! I have 101 followers!!! YAY!!!! That was one of my goals for the year, to get 100 followers!!! I am so honored that so many people would want to read the ramblings of this crazy woman! And I know there are a good number of people that read my blog that have not selected to publicly follow (which is fine). I am so pleased that this blog thing seems to really have stuck. That I've stuck with it and that it's made such a difference in my journey this year, and that people are reading it! THANK YOU!!!!

For a milestone like this, I think I should give away some blog candy, don't you??!! I'm glad we agree!!!
This year has been a year for me to overcome fears, insecurities, and doubts. And to learn that - I can do hard things! So, everyone who leaves me a comment (or for those who don't like to comment but still want to participate - you can e-mail me at and tells me what is the hardest thing you've done this year and how you feel about it, your name will be entered in the drawing. I'll randomly draw a name and the winner will receive the NEW Bamboo Slotted Spoon Set from Pampered Chef! :)
These spoons will be perfect to help the lucky winner make some yummy and healthy meals in the kitchen!! I will do the drawing on Friday the 1st. Ready Set GO!!

So I have received several awards and I keep forgetting to post them! Today is a good day for it I think! :) So here we go...

Almost a month ago I received the Cherry On Top Award from Lady of the house from It's Time. THANK YOU!!! I know I'm a little late in posting this, but I'm grateful you thought of me!

For this award I need to do the following:
1. Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?  That is a tough question! Honestly, I don't know that I would change anything. I guess the only thing I can think of is that I have spent the last 15 years or so pinning over my body. Wishing it were better, hating it and being ever so cruel to myself, instead of living. There are so many things I could have done, and didn't do, because I felt like my "body" was holding me back. I guess I wouldn't necessarily change the past. I'm just grateful to now be able to acknowledge this and by doing so, be able to change my future. No longer will I hold back because of my body. I'm not going to wait until I'm a certain size to wear something, do something, or be something. I'm enjoying life in the now, and it's wonderful!!
2. Pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award. - I'll get to this one in a minute, so keep reading!!!
3. You have to thank the person (people) who gave you the award. - Seriously, thank you! You are always so sweet to me and I have really appreciated getting to know you through your blog! You have done awesome, and I know you will continue because that's the kind of person you are!! Thank you Lady of the house!!

Then, I received the A Blog with Substance Award from two people!! Wow! Stephanie from She's In There Somewhere and Tammy from A Newer Tammy. THANK YOU ladies!!! That is so nice of you to think of me for this award, I am truly honored! 

Okay as a condition of the award, I now I have to sum up my blogging philosophy, motivation and experience in five words and pay it forward by nominating 10 Bloggers for the award.

My five words: Believe In Yourself Every Day. I have learned that believing in yourself is not just a one time decision that you make and then everything is magically wonderful. This is a process that you go through. And everyday, sometimes every hour, every minute - you have to decide again to believe in yourself. To trust yourself. And to love yourself. But each time you make that decision and you live it - you solidify it just a little more. And I truly believe that by doing this over and over that one day it will be automatic and you will treat yourself with love and kindness because you know that is what you truly deserve!

Okay, as for the giving away of both of these awards. I usually try to give awards to people I haven't given them to before, and who haven't received the particular award I'm giving. But... today, instead I'm giving it to EVERYONE!!! That's probably cheating - but... I'm going to anyway! If you are reading this - then you have be given this award!!! Please post it on your blog with pride and share it with others. I really do read all those blogs on my blog roll, and I would guess that it's a good number of them that are following me. So instead of trying to decide who gets these awards, it's EVERYONE! :)

One more thing, if you are following my blog, and you have a blog that is NOT on my blog roll, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I want to follow you and read your blog! Leave me a comment with your blog and I will add it. That goes for any type of blog, weight loss, intutive eating, Stampin' Up!, friends, family, etc.

Have a GREAT weekend everyone!!!


Sunday, September 19, 2010

Taking Control, by Surrendering!

I'd like to begin this post with a HUGE THANK YOU!!!! I am overwhelmed and appreciative of all the responses I received to my last post. Thank you so much for your love and kindness. For your acceptance and understanding. For your honesty and encouragement! I'd especially like to thank those that called me on the carpet, because that was also needed. I am in awe at the people that I have met along this journey and cannot imagine my life without you. Thank you!!!!

It's been a while since I've written one of my really LONG posts, so... prepare yourself!

My last post was really just the tip of the ice burg for the type of week I had. It was a rough week. Personally, professionally, physically, and... really in every way. This job is proving to be more difficult that I had thought it would be. It is mentally taxing me in a way I haven't been in a long time. I don't say this to brag, but typically I can walk into a new position and within even a week - I get it. That doesn't mean I don't make mistakes or that I still have tons to learn. But I get it, and have come to expect that of myself. Not this time though. There is just SOOO much to learn, I have found myself overwhelmed, frustrated, lost, and venerable. I think that is part of what lead to my last post. It wasn't just my weight loss that I was feeling lost about. I've been working over time trying to spend as much time as I can learning. So that, on top of some very late nights, means not a lot of sleep, eating not the greatest and all that adds up to not a lot of energy. It was just kind of a perfect storm that lead to me coming home on Friday being exhausted, depressed, and ready to quit.

So I ate dinner (too much, of course) and was planning to go to bed at 6:30, (Mike was at Scout Camp) when Liana called and invited to take me on a date. Well how could I turn down a beautiful girl such as her? ;) It was really fun to get out and to chat with Liana and to laugh. I just love that girl!!! Thanks Liana! Saturday morning I slept in until 9, got up and picked raspberries (our fall berries have come in and there are a TON of them! Yum!), ate, and read for a little while. I fell back asleep around 10:30 or 11 until 1:30. As you can see, I was TIRED! When I woke up I took a shower and had some time to ponder my life and recent decisions.

The two decisions that I previously felt so good about - changing my job and to quit WW and try Intuitive Eating came crashing down around me this week. It was time for me to accept that. And to decide what comes next. I was in the shower a long time praying and thinking. This is what I've come to... I'm not quiting either of these choices! I'M NOT QUITING!!!

Okay, so the job - I don't get it. That just means I need to dig in and try harder. I need to ask more questions, ask for more time to understand. I need to access my resources more, and if need be find some others that I don't currently have to help me. I need to give myself time - this isn't going to happen overnight. But I do know that I can do it. I can not only do it, but I can kick butt at it and be one of the top performers.

And as for Intuitive Eating? Well I've had some real break throughs there. So it turns out that I was on the exact path that I was suppose to be on, I just didn't know it. My books came! Remember the two I mentioned? Intuitive Eating and Shrink Yourself? Well, this weekend I've been reading the Intuitive Eating and some BIG light bulbs having been lighting up for me. This is how I look at it, Intuitive Eating is the beginners book. Women Food and God by Geneene Roth is the advanced book. I started on the wrong end, so I only had part of the information I needed. No wonder I was so lost!

If you have read Women Food and God and tried it, and didn't like it. Stop! Before giving up on Intuitive Eating, PLEASE get yourself a a copy of Intuitive Eating and read it!!!!! Please!

Anyway, this book has completely touched my heart and validated everything that I have been going through since August 25th when I decided to quit dieting. Turns out that all along I've been doing almost everything I needed to and have been on the right path - I just didn't know it. So the whole time I was feeling like I was messing up and lost, I wasn't really. 

The thing that is so great about this book is that it's just the hard facts. The tell it how it is, and tell you exactly what you need to do. No skirting around the issues, or making any assumptions that you know what their talking about it. It's very to the point and simple. Don't get me wrong, I still find value in Women Food and God, it's just that I wasn't quite ready for the philosophy and vagueness that I got from it. I needed details. I think that after mastering the principals from Intuitive Eating, I'll then be able to go back and read Women Food and God and be able to take SO much more from it! 

In the book they speak about the five stages to becoming an intuitive eater. Stage one - Readiness - Hitting Diet Bottom. This is basically when you get to the point when you realize you do not want to diet anymore. You are done being ruled by what other people say you should do to or with your body. You are done feeling guilty for wanting a piece of cake. Done with the guilt, frustration of feeling like you don't have any will power, and done with hating yourself for it. They talk about the fact that before you can move on from stage one, you've got to be ready to really and truly give up on dieting. I wasn't there yet. I think that's why I've been fighting myself so much. I've said I want to do this, but I've kept in the back of my mind that WW is still there - it's a safety net. I can go back if I want. And I guess that's still true. The difference now? I don't want to. I don't ever want to diet again. I don't ever want to teach my children to diet. I want peace with food, and with my body. I want to love myself and not be at battle all the time. I'm giving up the safety net. 

Okay, so here is where the biggest a ha moment came for me. I'm in the shower right, and I'm thinking about all this, and up until this point, I've only read about stage one. So I decide, okay. I'm on board, I'm giving up dieting. It's gone. I'm boxing up all my diet books, my scale, my food scale, and getting rid of them. I get out of the shower and read stage two. It was so enlightening that as I'm reading it, I've got tears coming down my face.

Stage two - Exploration - Concsious Learning and Pursuit of Pleasure. The general idea? Get to know food again. Give yourself permission to eat ANYTHING! All those trigger foods, eat them. All those foods you've been denying yourself, or eating in secret - eat them! Eat them until your body realizes you can have them anytime you want! And guess what, at some point you realize, you don't even like them! Or you start to realize that because you know you can have it any time, you no longer feel like you need it all the time. When you quit depriving yourself of it, you realize you don't need it or even want it. It was just that by telling yourself you can't have it that made you want it so much in the first place. During this stage you do not need to focus on what you are eating, at all! You just do your best to honor your hunger and feel your fullness. But even if you can't do that, IT'S OKAY!! That was so big for me. Because as I mentioned, pretty much since I started this, I've overeaten every day. And I've been so upset with myself that I was messing it all up! But I wasn't. That is just a part of my learning. And again, by making it okay, it takes away the... desire for it. I'm not there yet, but I am beginning to understand. Reading this part just was so empowering to me. I realized that without even knowing it, I am already a good way through this process. In the last 3-4 weeks I have eaten things that I haven't eaten in years. I've gone back to things I use to binge on 5 or 6 years ago.

Like this cake for instance. When I was 18 I moved to Arizona for 5 months. While I was there I ate a lot of cake and a lot of pasta. The cake I would make was the one Betty crocker cake with sprinkles and the matching frosting. And seriously, I probably ate one of those pretty much by myself about every week. I haven't had one in so long, but I bought it last week. And we ate it. And you know what, by the time we were about done, I realized, it's not even that good, and I don't want it anymore. But... because I didn't know that that was exactly what this process is about, I was feeling like a failure because I was eating something I thought I was "over". When really, I was just going through what I needed to to  really be at peace with that cake and realize, I don't need it anymore. I don't want it anymore, and I have power to make that decision. I didn't realize that I have been working through all my past diets and deprivations. There are other cravings I've been having and giving into that I didn't even realize were something still being "held" over my head!

The other thing I've been doing is trying to force this whole "Feel your feelings, don't eat them". But that is another part of the process that will just happen. My trying to force it was just making it harder and more painful! As I become free from the power food has over me, I will naturally start to separate my emotions from food. A-HA!!!

So this was the paragraph that just opened my eyes and made me realize I AM OKAY!

"[In Stage 2] The bulk of your eating may be in foods that are heavier in fat and sugar than you've been accustomed to - although you may have been eating large quantities of these foods secretly or with guilt. The way you eat during this sage will not be the pattern that you will establish or want for a lifetime. You will notice that your nutritional balance is off kilter and you may not feel physically on top of things during this time. This is all normal and expected. You must let yourself go through this stage for as long as you need. Remember, you are making up for years of deprivation, negative self talk, and guilt. You are rebuilding positive food experiences."

A couple of you called me on it in my last post - I was panicking! I have seen changes in my body and thought I was doing the wrong thing. I thought I was going backwards and that I was going to end up where I began. Turns out, I'm on the right track. I am well into stage two, and now I know it. Something I am learning from both this and my new job - knowledge brings safety. This knowledge has helped me to level out and to breath again. I haven't finished the book yet, but I will probably do so very soon. And then I'll read it again. Although I overate yesterday - twice in fact - I am at peace. I don't feel the need to flog myself for those choices, just to learn from them. If you are so tired of feeling guilty and upset with yourself all the time - go get this book!! I feel like shouting it from the roof tops!!! I feel like commenting on every blog about it! But I will try not to make myself obnoxious about it. I just want you to feel what I feel - peaceful! Unless of course, you already feel peaceful and have found what works for you - than that is awesome!! But I know that there are a good number of people that read my blog that haven't found that. Read this book, you never know - maybe it's the thing for you.

You may have noticed some changes to my side bars and such. A couple of weeks ago I changed my blogrolls, but I found that I bit off more than I could chew in keeping it all organized! :) And I was missing not seeing all of the updates so I could read your blog when you posted. Haha. So I put them all back up. I left the new one for new blogs though. Also, I moved some of the stuff up to the top menu bar to declutter. And I got rid of the numbers. Because it's not about the numbers for me anymore. Don't worry though, I'll still talk a lot about how I'm feeling about my body, my health, the way my clothes are fitting etc.

Wow, long post, I warned you. :) If you made it this far, thanks. And again, thank you for all the love you've shown me! Right back at ya! I just love all my friends from blogging, in real life, and my family! If there is ever anything I can do to help you, just ask! I've got to get running so I'm not late for church. Have a beautiful Sunday!


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Advice giver? Bring it!

I have mixed emotions and am all sorts of confused. I have lost my focus, and can't remember where I left it last. If you see it, could you please send it my way? Thanks! 

Update on my new job: Its going well. This week we are out on the floor and actually working cases. Which has taught me that I have a LOT to learn! But it's coming... slowly. So far I am just doing incoming e-mails, I haven't actually started speaking with people yet, and I'm totally okay with that. I love the company though and the atmosphere is great! I have an awesome boss and the co-workers I sit by are all very nice and helpful. 

Anyway, back to my mixed emotions. I have just been really up and down the last bit on my eating. And my feelings on my eating. And my feelings on my feelings. And feeling my feelings. And feeding my feelings. I think I'm seeing a trend - TOO MANY FEELINGS!!!! BAHHHH!!!

Today I am feeling a little angry. Angry at all the back and forth. Angry at food. Angry at myself. Why does food have to be so.... controlling? How how come I am so weak to give my control to food!! It's put here on this earth for me to use, but instead I feel like it's using me. Well... I guess that's not true, I use it. I use it to run and hide. I use it to numb and to comfort. I AM SICK OF IT!!! I am SOOO sick of this battle!! I just want it to be done. To be over. To have a healthy relationship with food and to just eat healthy because it makes me feel good. And to stop feeling this consistent need to binge or overeat. Why can't they just come up with a pill that would give you all the nutrition you need so you never have to eat! Okay, I know that's stupid. Because even if they did, you would still have the "problems" and still want to eat anyway... but I don't care!

I'm so confused because I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I'm really making any progress with my intuitive eating. But maybe I am. How do I know? I don't know! And I've been thinking about doing WW again, but then I think, I don't want to. I don't want to live a restricted life anymore. But maybe some restrictions are good. You know? Like God's laws, they give us direction and safety. Maybe that's what living on a eating plan does? I don't know. Or maybe there is a way for me to do both? To follow some of the guidelines that keep me on a good path, but then also allowing my body the freedom to move around within that path? Does that even make sense? I doesn't to me, but then it sorta does too. I need some guidance. I bought two books and I'm excited for them to come because I'm hoping they'll give me some additional clarity. Intuitive Eating and Shrink Yourself. Ultimately I still feel like this intuitive eating is what I should do, but I just feel so lost at the same time.

Okay people, as you can see, I'm good and confused. And I know we all love to give advice. Give it to me. What do you think? Just so you know, I may not do what you say, so don't be hurt. But I do want to hear your thoughts and appreciate your willingness to share with me, so bring it on.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Happy 101 Award!

I am so honored that two people have given me an award!! Joy from Nuggets of Truth ~ My Weight Loss Journey (and my good friend) and my new friend Becky from Fit Forever... Fat Again? Never... both gave me the Happy 101 award!! THANK YOU!!!!

The rules:
1. Post who gave you this award - Done
2. State 10 things you like
3. Give this award to 10 other bloggers and notify them with a comment

10 things I like (a LOT):

1. Mike (my sweet hubby)
2. Willow (my dog)
3. Cupcakes (which it makes me really happy they are pictured on this award!)
4. Sprinkles!!! Love to have sprinkles on my ice cream!
5. Reading
6. Kissing
7. Driving alone and singing at the top of my lungs
8. Jogging
9. Camping
10. Mike (I like him so much, I have to mention him twice!) :D

I give this award to:

Thanks again ladies!


Tuesday, September 7, 2010


So did you know that since I started the intuitive eating, I've binged almost every single day. I didn't yesterday for the first time since I stopped being on a diet. I didn't today either. Although I did overeat tonight, it was not a full out binge. And yesterday was the first day I wanted to eat real food, not just because I was panicky and feeling like I'm gaining, but because it's what I was craving! Yeah! I don't think that I've gained any weight actually, but I do feel flabbier. I haven't been working out as hard core, and I am going to make that more of a priority. It just makes me feel good about myself, I love to do it, and it will help my heart be healthy. And yes, it will help me lose weight, but I am trying not to do it just because of that.

So the binging thing... they say that's actually pretty normal for people who are just starting to really listen to their body. After so many years of restricting yourself, of course when you don't have to anymore it goes a little haywire. Geneen Roth said she ate cookie dough for two weeks straight. But you know, I have just kept trying to be in tune with my feelings when it happens. And when I could stop myself enough to feel those feelings it was good. And when I wasn't able to... well... I'm not going to judge that and call it bad. I think that there is good and bad in this world. There are good and bad foods. There are good choices and bad choices. But if I choose to eat a "bad" food, does that mean I should judge myself, call myself all sorts of awful names, and feel horrible about myself? No. I'm done with that. Well... I'm working on being done with that.

So today was my first day of my new job. Whew. I went from doing something I felt confident in, something I knew what I was doing and did it well to something that I have NO clue about! They keep telling me I'll get it and to just be patient (which I am SOOO good at! haha). Today I had to ask some really basic questions about techie stuff, and truth be told, I felt stupid. I'm in training with 4 very tech savy guys, and I felt like I was wasting their time. It brought up a lot of feelings from past experiences from people who have made me feel stupid who I let treat me as stupid, and allowed myself to feel stupid. That was a really rough time in my life, and I felt just a tiny bit of that today. Luckily, I have an awesome trainer, so I didn't feel like he was being impatient, and really, neither were the guys. I think it's just my own insecurity about it all. So, after dinner, I had a little too much ice cream. Thankfully, I recognized what was going on. So I stopped, and went for a little jog/walk. That allowed me some thinking time. I felt the feelings and I'm still here. :D I recognized that I am no longer the same person that I was back when this was such an issue. And truthfully, I am not stupid. I may be a little ditsy sometimes, and sometimes I use that as a protection mechanism. But I am not stupid. And it is no longer okay for myself or for anyone else to treat me as such. I will go in tomorrow with much more confidence and be ready to really learn. So if you think I'm stupid, I don't care, keep it to yourself. (That isn't aimed at anyone - maybe those in my past who I've needed to say that to for a really long time!)

A couple of posts ago I poised a question about which comes first Peace and Freedom or Weight Loss. I received lots of great comments, and for that I thank you. I think that every person has to decide on this for themselves. This is a very personal and individual question, and I hope you take time to ponder it. I've thought a lot on the topic and this is what I've decided is true for myself. It's both. Several people said this and I have to agree. When I think back to where I was when this year started, it would have been really hard for me to just up and find peace and happiness. Because I was so unhappy with myself, my body, my life, - there was no way for me to find peace in that. Had I been ready to accept myself as I was, and to follow God, then yes, I could have found peace and happiness without losing weight. But... I wasn't ready. I needed to get to a place where I was okay with myself to a higher degree. I am now ready to accept myself for who I am. I now see much value in what I have to offer and in being myself. And truthfully that didn't come from "losing weight". That came from accomplishing all the steps that it took to lose 40lbs. I've had a lot of wins this year. I've conquered some serious fears, insecurities, doubts, and mountains. As I sit here considering this, I realize that if I weren't to lose any more weight, and were to live my life out just as I am right now - I would be, can be, and am happy. That's a big realization. I no longer need that weight loss to be happy, to be me. That doesn't mean I'll stop trying to better myself, to keep pushing myself in the exercise arena, to continue working through my emotional issues. And that doesn't mean that I don't want to lose any more weight. I do. It just means that... I am enough. And that is really liberating to see that. To feel it, and to know that it's true. For the first time in so long, I truly believe in myself!

One of the things I decided at the beginning of this year, is that not only will it be about weight loss, but about really getting in tune with the Spirit and coming closer to my Heavenly Father. In some ways, I really turned my life over to Him. I've tried to listen more, to pray more, to read my scriptures more - the basics. What I've learned is that it really is the basics that matter. I have no doubt that this new confidence, this new acceptance, this new love, comes from knowing my divine nature. That I am a daughter of God, that he loves me, and wants to see me succeed. So much that he has given me strength to climb these mountains and in some cases, carried me. We have so many things in this world pulling us in every direction, and really trying to pull us down. But when I try to look at myself, and others, the way I think that Heavenly Father would, things instantly seem better.

For those of you who have been following me, you know that I have had my fair share of struggles. And I fully expect that I will continue to struggle. But in this moment... life is good. I feel good. I am happy, and I see myself clearly tonight. I hope that as you've read this, you've gotten a glimpse of that in yourself. That you see your own divine nature, your own goodness. Feel it, be with it, accept it, and glory in it! Believe In Yourself!


Saturday, September 4, 2010

Blog Roll Changes

You'll noticed I've changed my blog rolls a bit. I found that my list of favorites was getting so long that I think some people's blogs were getting lost. I don't want that to happen! So, what I've done is this, I've added all my weight loss blogs on a blog roll that can be accessed through the link at the top of my blog "My Heros on Weight Loss". I've also added two new blog rolls on my side bar that will change every week. One will be new blogs that I come across during the week. I ususally add about 1-5 blogs a week. I'll share those finds with you under "New Blogs for You to Check Out". Then, I don't want those that I have been following for a while to be lost in the "list" so each week I will spotlight 5 of them under "Oldies but Goodies" and encourage my readers to check out those blogs. I personally, will still read all the blogs on my blog list, because each of you truly are a hero to me and I've put you on my list because I find value in what you share! But I know for a person just getting into blogging, sometimes the big blog rolls can be overwhelming. I hope this will bring you new readers and will help you find some fun blogs to follow as well.


Thursday, September 2, 2010

Open Answer Question - Please Respond

Which statement do you find to be more true for you. Please explain. Thank you!

1. Peace and freedom come from weight loss.


2. Weight loss comes after finding peace and freedom.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts! Seriously, please "weigh" in on this one. I expect lots of comments. :D And if you don't want to publicly comment, e-mail me at Thanks!