Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Advice giver? Bring it!

I have mixed emotions and am all sorts of confused. I have lost my focus, and can't remember where I left it last. If you see it, could you please send it my way? Thanks! 

Update on my new job: Its going well. This week we are out on the floor and actually working cases. Which has taught me that I have a LOT to learn! But it's coming... slowly. So far I am just doing incoming e-mails, I haven't actually started speaking with people yet, and I'm totally okay with that. I love the company though and the atmosphere is great! I have an awesome boss and the co-workers I sit by are all very nice and helpful. 

Anyway, back to my mixed emotions. I have just been really up and down the last bit on my eating. And my feelings on my eating. And my feelings on my feelings. And feeling my feelings. And feeding my feelings. I think I'm seeing a trend - TOO MANY FEELINGS!!!! BAHHHH!!!

Today I am feeling a little angry. Angry at all the back and forth. Angry at food. Angry at myself. Why does food have to be so.... controlling? How how come I am so weak to give my control to food!! It's put here on this earth for me to use, but instead I feel like it's using me. Well... I guess that's not true, I use it. I use it to run and hide. I use it to numb and to comfort. I AM SICK OF IT!!! I am SOOO sick of this battle!! I just want it to be done. To be over. To have a healthy relationship with food and to just eat healthy because it makes me feel good. And to stop feeling this consistent need to binge or overeat. Why can't they just come up with a pill that would give you all the nutrition you need so you never have to eat! Okay, I know that's stupid. Because even if they did, you would still have the "problems" and still want to eat anyway... but I don't care!

I'm so confused because I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I'm really making any progress with my intuitive eating. But maybe I am. How do I know? I don't know! And I've been thinking about doing WW again, but then I think, I don't want to. I don't want to live a restricted life anymore. But maybe some restrictions are good. You know? Like God's laws, they give us direction and safety. Maybe that's what living on a eating plan does? I don't know. Or maybe there is a way for me to do both? To follow some of the guidelines that keep me on a good path, but then also allowing my body the freedom to move around within that path? Does that even make sense? I doesn't to me, but then it sorta does too. I need some guidance. I bought two books and I'm excited for them to come because I'm hoping they'll give me some additional clarity. Intuitive Eating and Shrink Yourself. Ultimately I still feel like this intuitive eating is what I should do, but I just feel so lost at the same time.

Okay people, as you can see, I'm good and confused. And I know we all love to give advice. Give it to me. What do you think? Just so you know, I may not do what you say, so don't be hurt. But I do want to hear your thoughts and appreciate your willingness to share with me, so bring it on.



Sabrina said...

Hey Sam! I believe what you are feeling is something we all feel along the way. We are like children learning to walk all over again, we need baby steps. You are doing the No Numbers Challenge too, right? I say give this last week everything you got. Workout harder than before, make really consious eating decisions, and let your body do the rest. Only 6 more days until weigh in time. If the results are there, which I am sure they will be, you know you can do it on your own. I think those books will even help! If the results are not there, maybe you should go back to a program, at least one that is flexable and lets you wheen yourself into you own healthy lifesyle.

Whatever you decide, make sure it's right for you! You will do great.

ladyofthehouse said...

I agree with Sabrina that I think what you are feeling is something we all at some point feel. I sure know I do!
I have done WW in the past and it's a great program. But as I headed into the new year and decided that I really needed to take the time to see to my own health, I knew that it wouldn't be the option for me. I too needed a little less structure, but some structure (?) What has been good for me is Sparkpeople. Its a free site where it will give you a range of calories/fat/carbs/ protein to eat each day (range, not a strict number). It gives menu ideas if you want it, lots of articles on every aspect of good health and more. So I can stay on track but not feel too restricted.
What ever you choose to do I wish you the best and make sure you look back and feel good about all the wonderful choices you have made thus far!!
Hugs ~ diane :)

Happy Fun Pants said...

My personal belief is that you should do what works for you. BUT you should give a new program a chance - a real chance - at working. Which is to say, I think you should try something for longer than a few weeks to see if it works for you.

Having said that, this refusal to follow the guidelines? I think that's just about right. I think that it comes from years of depriving yourself - years of telling yourself that you need numbers, counters, etc to tell you when you are good or bad. You don't. Please don't believe that lie.

I would recommend that you really sit with whatever feelings you have about this. Not try to band-aid them. But sit and feel what you're feeling. You don't have to DO anything with those feelings. Just acknowledge them.

My therapist and mindful eating yoga coach (who I usually see once a month along with many other women) are such a resource of help. Is therapy an option for you? Or even a nutritionist that coaches a mindful eating practice? It might be worth a few phone calls so you can get some specific answers.

This might not be for you...but I think you owe it to yourself to give it a real try before trying to search for something else. This is you panicking. And it's completely normal. But you CAN do this.

Happy Fun Pants said...

Which is not to say that you haven't been trying...I know you have. I hear your struggle and I get your frustration - you know that I do! I think it just takes a bit to figure it all out.

Your first week's goal was to only eat when you're hungry. Are you still doing that? If not, maybe just go back to practicing that. :)

Lesia said...

Ok Sam here is my comment. Are you taking anything to help control your emotions? You should focus on that 1st. Getting your mind in a state where you have rational thoughts will help you make better decisions. Like a anti-depression drug. Not saying you need that one but just wondering if you have spoke to a doctor about your emotions.

With that being said. I thought I would share a little bit about my struggle with WW.

I love the program BUT I could never live a life that I had to keep track of points and write everything down. So last March I STOPPED TRACKING. I knew I was smart enough to realize when I was going over my calories/points so I tried it. I have continued to lose almost every week since so you can do WW without being tied down to tracking. You are very smart and once you get ALL the skills needed to do a healthy eating program the rest will fall in place.

I know several people who are doing Sparkpeople and they love it too. So just go with your heart. Pray about it, as I am sure you have, and you will be guided to the right plan for YOU!

Until then RELAX and ENJOY life!!! love ya.

dawne said...

I totally understand this struggle. It's amazing that this thing called food can seemingly control us.

I think there IS a way to do both and that you will find it. It's not a path for someone else to tell's yours to discover what works for you!

For me, I have found changing all bread/pasta to whole wheat or brown rice, sugar free a real break from feeling bound to food. I seem to have lost my cravings for bad food.

I've also discovered that for me, having a snacks with a lean protein and complex carb keep me fuller longer, away from mindless snacking and from eating too much at meals.

You will discover what works for you. Believe in yourself! :)

Razzle Dazzle Berry said...

I agree....your panicking. :) Try to remember where those feelings are coming from and stop them!!

MK said...

Hi! I just now saw your comment on my blog (no idea how it escaped me). I'm glad you found me and I look forward to following you as well! :)

:Deliciously Healthy said...

Baby steps :D

Lily Fluffbottom said...

Rome, 100 lbs, and the earth all have one thing in common. (Can you guess? :p)

Ease up on yourself a little, know that you're doing your best, and if you're not, then DO your best. Every day is the last day, the first day, and the only day. You'll get the hang of it, so will I, and together we will all dominate. It'll be good, you'll see. :)

Natalia said...

Hi Sam!
Oh boy, I can so relate to everything that you posted! There's been so much talk about intuitive eating lately! I tried it. It didn't work for me. I never got tired of eating certain foods. and I never really got any signals to eat other foods. I swore that I would never "diet" again. Then about a month ago I realized that for me, intuitive eating isn't the answer. When it comes to food, I need boundaries. I need to accept myself as I am. Intuitive eating sounds so great it sounds so free! I really wish I could do it, maybe someday I'll be able to. For now I have to accept that I have to make compromises and sacrifices. More than likely I will have to do this for a lifetime. So my goal right now is making my boundaries livable!

I'm doing WW - that's what works for me.

I'm not saying you should go back to WW. I'm not saying you shouldn't be doing the intuitive eating.

Only you can decide what you need to do for you. There's no right or wrong answers here. There's different paths. And I think what I learned by trying intuitive/normal eating is that there probably isn't one thing that will work for a lifetime!

Hang in there! Take care of you! I think it's great that you're talking about your feelings in your blog. I think that helps! Getting those feelings out there!!

Feel free to email if you want to chat more about the subject! embracingthejourney at gmail dot com

Take care!
Natalia :)

Anonymous said...

Oh wow ... I am SOOOOO feeling this post. I wish I had some advice to give, but I'm afraid I'm right there with you. All I can offer are some *GREAT BIG HUGS*. I hope everyone's advice has helped because I know it sure has helped me. :)

julielopez3 said...

Sam, Ok here is my .2cents worth of advise. First stop being so hard on yourself. I am not going to put down either WW or your intuitive eating. WW does work and I owe it alot of my success I would never of quit had I not felt that I had already developed a lifestyle change of working out and feeling comfortable with being able to control my choices of what foods I ate and how much I ate. I do know that the way I eat now by eating 40% protein, 40% carbs and 20% fat at every meal and eating about every 2-3 hours I feel better, not only physically but mentally. I think if you really want to do this intuitive eating, and I am not sure if I understand what it is. (do you just eat when and whatever you want?) Maybe try making your choices a more balanced meal. I know it really has helped me with my cravings of just wanting to eat out of control. I also allow myself to have 2 free target meals a week where I just eat then whatever I want. However I find that giving myself the freedom to do that really has helped me make better choices on those days and not going full out Thanksgiving dinner binge eating. I don't know what your schedule is but also getting that 30 minutes of working out every day really helps. There was my .2 cents worth of advise.. well ok maybe 4cents, but I thru in that extra .2 cause I like you. If you want to go to Zumba with my sometime email me.
Good Luck Sam!

Kimberly said...

As a parent and someone really focussing on my eating habits, I've had to learn to follow what I teach my kids.

"Are you really hungry... is your stomach growling or are you just bored?"

"Have you pooped? No?... then the food's still in your system, your body is still using it and you can't really be 'starving'"

"I know it's time for a snack... but will chips do what you need a snack to do, will they stay with you until the next meal?"

Go back to the basics. And I really agree with the person who commented that you need to give whatever you decide to do an honest chance. Routine takes time.

Hugs, Kimberly

Jessica said...

my last larger post was about this exact type of thing. it is overwhelming sometimes and simplifying and stepping back is sometimes necessary!

remington and mindy said...

Sam... you have been doing so good and you look great! Keep going!! I know easier said than done :) Every time I start loosing weight and feeling great about myself I get stuck (probably about where you are right now). So then I loose track of everything and a year later I look back and say to myself 'only if I would have stuck with my weight loss plan I would be skinny now and need new clothes for the summer' (or whatever). But no... now I fit back into the shorts that were loose on me last summer, dang it! Why didn't I just stay strong? It's hard, so all I can give you is the encouragement. You look great so keep it up so you don't regret it next summer ;) Love you!

Jenny said...

Oh, Sam...thanks for your post. That sign on the tote bag is ME right now. I'm lost and adrift. The thing that has helped me the most in the last few years is the Bodybugg. But I'm in such a slump, even that isn't working for me. I think the reason is that I'm still having so many digestive issues, that it takes a more calorie dense diet for me right now. When I did so well with my Bodybugg, I knew all during the day if I needed to eat less and/or exercise more. It makes losing a math problem (simple subtraction). I haven't even been posting so much about diet right now, since I'm not losing weight. I start boring myself after a few posts to talk about it. (Others don't bore me..then I think maybe I'm just going through normal light.)

I put some funny pictures of my toddler baby grandson tonight. I thought he would be more fun than I am at the moment.

Chelsea Lee said...

Hey SAM!!!!! This is Hiccup. I found you! You are amazing first of all. This battle you are fighting is a battle all women face. And we face it OUR WHOLE LIVES!!!! You have inspired my next post..... come to my blog. Hang in there and never give up!!!!!
Love YOU Roomie