2018 update
My sweet cousin recently started blogging. I have loved reading her posts - and she has inspired me to throw some thoughts out on this old blog. I doubt anyone reads it anymore. Actually, I'm okay with that. Because mostly I just want to purge my thoughts and feelings. Haha
My last post, about a year ago, I was on top of the world. After an incredibly difficult and painful pregnancy, this April we brought a beautiful soul into this world, Camille Rose. She is such a happy, delightful, and darling girl! We can't imagine life without her! Well... sometimes Emma can. lol But most the time she agrees and loves her to pieces. (Camille is 8 months in these pics. )
My last post, about a year ago, I was on top of the world. After an incredibly difficult and painful pregnancy, this April we brought a beautiful soul into this world, Camille Rose. She is such a happy, delightful, and darling girl! We can't imagine life without her! Well... sometimes Emma can. lol But most the time she agrees and loves her to pieces. (Camille is 8 months in these pics. )
Postpartum has been a lot harder on me this go round. I've had a lot more depression, and struggle in getting my equilibrium back. While I have desperately wanted to be successful in getting back in the swing of things with my health program, I haven't been able to. Which - to be completely honest - is maddening. Because I KNOW how amazing it is! I KNOW it works!!! And I KNOW that when you are on it - it's simple and easy!! I just can't seem to move past a few of my own hang ups. Like depression, sugar addiction, and a serious binge addiction.
So, here I am, the heaviest I've ever been. In fact, I've ALWAYS been open about numbers on this blog, but I'm hesitant to say the number here. I'm trying hard not to live in "self-pity" land - but I admit I do visit from time to time. I also try and stay out of "judgement" land, but again - every now and then I slip on over. While there, time is spent judging myself. Or feeling the judgement of others. Very healthy. (Shaking head and face palming)
All of this has also been coupled with Emma growing more and more independent (holy cow, she is five now!!!). And at the same time, as Camille is growing into a little person - Emma is more and more realizing that life is NOT the same. Her jealousy is causing her to act out, and I haven't been as prepared for it as I thought I was. We've been butting heads, and this has caused both her and I pain and sadness. I'm praying desperately for answers on how to heal our relationship, how to help her to feel she is still and integral part of our family - because she of course she is, and how to help her accept and love her sister. As I did some ugly crying tonight I thought, I was reminded that even at 5 - this parenting stuff is tough! How will I survive the teen years???? :P
Well, all that being said, I'm NOT going to let any of this get the best of me. So I am praying a LOT these days. Searching for answers in the scriptures, using Essential Oils to help balance my hormones, emotions, and body. And soon I'll be working on a healthy gut as well. And with all that - I feel confident that I'll be in a better place mentally to jump back in the Health Program bandwagon. And I'm sure as I start feeling better mentally and physically that will also help me in the parenting world too. After all - it's ALL tied together!!
All of this has also been coupled with Emma growing more and more independent (holy cow, she is five now!!!). And at the same time, as Camille is growing into a little person - Emma is more and more realizing that life is NOT the same. Her jealousy is causing her to act out, and I haven't been as prepared for it as I thought I was. We've been butting heads, and this has caused both her and I pain and sadness. I'm praying desperately for answers on how to heal our relationship, how to help her to feel she is still and integral part of our family - because she of course she is, and how to help her accept and love her sister. As I did some ugly crying tonight I thought, I was reminded that even at 5 - this parenting stuff is tough! How will I survive the teen years???? :P
Well, all that being said, I'm NOT going to let any of this get the best of me. So I am praying a LOT these days. Searching for answers in the scriptures, using Essential Oils to help balance my hormones, emotions, and body. And soon I'll be working on a healthy gut as well. And with all that - I feel confident that I'll be in a better place mentally to jump back in the Health Program bandwagon. And I'm sure as I start feeling better mentally and physically that will also help me in the parenting world too. After all - it's ALL tied together!!
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