All In the Lord's Time

Several times I have hinted at or mentioned the fact that we are having problems getting prego. I thought I would share a little more about that. So... for those of you uncomfortable with very personal info, you may want to stop reading now. :)

Where to start? I guess at the beginning. I was a late bloomer. I didn't start my period until I was 17. After that it was always irregular, sometimes being 6 weeks apart, sometimes a year. When I lost that 50lbs in Alaska I started having a more regular period, about every 6 weeks. That was progress!! I came home, met Mike, and we got married. Before we did, I went to planned parenthood to get put on birth control. They started me on it, and because we didn't know exactly when I would have a period, it was technically in the middle of a cycle. This was AWFUL!! I became a total monster, poor Mike. He must have been thinking "What did I get myself into"! It was so bad. I had three weeks where I just spotted constantly. And about two months of craziness! Let me tell you, after not having periods for so long, that was so hard!

Finally my mom gave me a nutritional product called Women's FX from Youngevity that turned me into a human being again. (If you have hormone problems, I'd be happy to talk to you about this, trust me, your other half would appreciate it, and you would get to feel like you again!) I was on birth control for about two years. So during that time I was regular.

In 2006 I went to Massage school, where I started learning how bad birth control is and what it can do to you. So we decided to get off it. I didn't have a period after that for about 18 months. I finally went to the doctor and they gave me a drug to induce one. Since then I have one maybe once a year. I have been tested for everything! Thyroid, PCOS, etc. Everything comes back normal. So what do they tell me? Lose weight.

As discouraging as it is to hear that (discouraging is to nice a word, it flat out sucks!!!), my history tells me there is some truth to it. When I lost that 50lbs, I did start having a period on a semi regular basis. They say that for some people when your body gets over a certain weight it can do the same thing as being anorexic, it shuts your system down.

In any case, that's where we've been for the last 3 years. We don't protect, there's no reason to. We have not had Mike tested, and I probably should have a few more tests done. We haven't started any fertility treatments, as right now we can't really afford that.

I've really felt for a long time that I needed to lose weight before getting pregnant. That's why this year is so important. I finally decided it was time to make these changes and to really prepare myself, as much as one can be prepared, to be a mom. This year is about losing weight and developing my relationship with God. Next year... fertility. We hope to be in a better place financially and physically. This will be better for my body and better for the baby.

Although this is really hard, and Mother's day totally bites, I am at peace with this. I know that we are doing the right thing, and that there are children waiting to come to us. If we can't have our own, we would adopt and they would be just as precious and loved! So for now, I live by faith. I trust that when the time is right, we will be blessed with children and will get to take that next step in our lives.


Holly said…
I am going to be a little straight forward here and I really hope you are ok with that. I do not mean any harm, I am just an advocate for getting healthy before getting pregnant simply because I had to learn the hard way. I think losing the weight before getting pregnant will be so rewarding. I felt the MOST beautiful when I was pregnant. I had a very healthy pregnancy and by the time I had delivered, I was 25 pound lighter than I was when I first got pregnant. I loved looking at my growing baby belly and feeling it. Often times, when people are really overweight, you can't even tell they are pregnant at full term because the fat hides the actual baby belly. I do NOT think you fall into this category, just sayin.' But, also, holding your baby will be so much more comfortable at the right weight. Holding your baby on your hip will feel right and not as though your baby is just there and you have to stick your hip way out in order for you to even provide your baby support from your hip. I had probably 50 pounds I could have spared before getting pregnant. My belly got SO huge that now I have a LOT of stretched out skin. I can only think that if I had lost weight before getting pregnant it wouldn't be so bad. Also, I had to have an emergency c-section which cuts through all of your muscle. Obviously. Now, I am starting from scratch building up that muscle tissue in my lower stomach. If I had lost weight beforehand I wouldn't have quite so much work to do now.

I love and respect your outlook on waiting for God's timing. I know a couple people who can't conceive, who are very obese, and don't even give losing the weight a thought. One is pretty much giving up on trying to get pregnant, it has been over 8 years, her husband doesn't want to get treatments and the other is getting infertility treatments started.

I totally get the baby fever thing! Oh boy! I was obsessed, I started knitting blankets for our baby before we were even trying to get pregnant and I did a TON of research on all things baby to see what products I wanted based on safety, reviews, and price. We had even purchased a couple of things for our unconceived baby, like a $140 swing, that our baby never ended up liking. Hah!

God wants you to be healthful to carry a baby successfully and to feel as good as you can throughout a pregnancy. Losing weight isn't a guarantee, which I know you know, but, it's definitely a start.

Sorry for my book and I hope I did not offend you in anyway by my bluntness.
Longing for a child is a very hard trial to go through, as I went through it for 4 years (not nearly as long as most) but I understand that heartache. I'm sorry you are going through that and having those trials. It IS in God's timing and it is a test of Faith in doing all you can do and then putting your trust in HIM. I love your positive attitude and I can feel your strength in your post!
Best of luck to you both :)
Sam said…
No offense taken Holly! We are in total agreeance! :)
Lesia said…
You are an amazing women and you WILL be a fantastic mommy too. smile.
Holly I don't know your story, but I agree 100%. The day I found out I was pregnant I weighed 301 lbs. I never looked pregnant, but that is not the worst of the story... I just about killed myself in the process. I got a very severe form of preeclampsia called HELLP syndrome, and not only was my life at stake, but was was my baby's. He was delivered 5 weeks early and spent 27 days in the nicu. We were lucky though... we are all on the other side, better for it now. 18 months ago I had a dr. tell me that my obesity likely contributed to the development of my condition and my baby's health. That was HARD to hear, but it was true. It was then that I decided I was done being fat. I had a son to think about... not just myself. So I started my journey about 2-1/2 months after his first bday. He will be 3 in 2 months, and I'm down over 95 lbs and only about 11 lbs away from my goal. I hope I can make it by his 3rd birthday. What a lovely gift for both of us. Anyways... this is the long way of saying that getting yourself 100% healthy is absolutely the 100% right thing to do. I know it is hard to wait, but it will be worth it, and I do truly believe that getting pregnant will be easier for you at a lesser weight. My doctor told me even 10% makes a difference.

We will be trying again soon after I get to my WWers goal. We are scared, b/c in addition to the pregnancy problems we also had infertility issues and I had to take Clomid to get pregnant before, but I am hoping with God's grace, and lots of weight loss that he will bless us. I hope that he will bless you as well when the time is right.

And yep... Mother's day is sooo hard when you struggle with these issues.

BIG HUGS!!! Keep the faith girl you are doing great.

Traci said…
Aw Sam. Thanks so much for sharing. Big hugs. That had to be hard. I remember that longing to be a mom when so many of my friends were pregnant and we weren't even trying yet. Even the few months it took trying to conceive were torture. But the blessing is well worth it in the end. You can do it. You can get this weight off before your goal.
Happy Fun Pants said…
First (and least important) I love your new blog look!

Secondly, thanks for sharing something so personal. I think it's fantastic that you are trusting God, but doing the work also.

And I think your goal of not focusing on all things baby until next year is a great idea.

YAY for you! :)
Just remember Sam that everyone is different. No offense to Holly but I was down 50 lbs for my third pregnancy and it was a much harder pregnancy then my first. Every pregnancy is different just like every girl and every body is different. Just do what YOU think is best Sam for YOU and your baby when that time comes and I hope and pray and wish that time is in the near future for you and Mike. Don't comapre yourself to how others felt or looked, or what their weight was when they where pregnant. Each baby born is a miracle. Take it from someone who had a healthy problem free pregnancy, then lost a pregnancy then had a problem full pregnancy with a miracle baby with health complications. You never know what you will be blessed with :) I have been blessed with it all while being fat and skinny!!!

Love ya both!!
Quay said…
Sam my dear, kids are wonderful! When it's time!! Just like you said. I have been pregnant 7 times and had 5 kids. And yes everyone has been different. I think your doing to correct attitude and I know our Heavenly Father will bless you some day. You have a lot to give and when that day comes you will be the best mother ever! I am putting your name in the Temple today, and I will be adding you to my evening prayers!

Quay said…
That should say "the correct attitude!!" LOL
hey Sam,
something made me hop over here to check out your blog two days in a row. I will keep you in my prayers!! I know you would be a terrific mom but I also know that God has a plan for us all!!
Sam -
My weight loss blog is not connected to my profile (only my private family blog) I'm not ready for everyone who knows me to see it... that's why I leave the address after my comments. Here it is:

Joy said…

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I agree with you regarding getting the weight off and for waiting on the Lord. He will direct your path!! Keep up the great work!! Hugs!!
Hi Sam! I think you are going about this all is the right way and I am sure you will be rewarded for matter how you get that baby, I know you will and you will be a fantastic Mom.

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