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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

That's Not Who I am Anymore

Hi everyone!! Thanks for all the comments on my last post, you are all too good to me! Camping was awesome, pics to come soon! There were 9 people and 7 dogs, Willow had a blast!! I'll tell you more about it later. We have to buy a new keyboard, because someone (me) knocked some water on it and fried it!! Sad!!!

So I did really good with my eating for most the weekend. I didn't really count points, but tried to make better food choices, eat smaller portions, and to pay attention to my body's signals. I also made sure to get lots of walking, hiking, and biking in. Last night on the way home, Mike mentioned Pizza for dinner because we were both too tired to cook. I thought, yeah that would be okay. I'll just make sure to again, listen to my body. Hmmm....

Well usually we order from Domino's, and get two med pizzas and an order of Buffalo wings (I've told this before, sorry for being repetitive). I usually eat about 3-4 slices of pizza and all the buffalo wings. Yup, all of them! So last night, I thought we'll just get a pizza. But then... the rationalization started... and the craving.... and before you know it we've ordered a large pizza and wings.

It comes, and smells divine! I'm still telling myself I'll be good, I can handle this. And I totally could of. But I allowed myself to fall into the old pattern of rationalization and stuffing myself - NOT because I really wanted it, but because... it's what I do. Before when I would do this, I would get to the end and yes, be TOTALLY stuffed, but have that satisfaction of stuffing my emotions and being full. Well last night that is not how I felt. I felt SICK!! I had eaten way too much (which was only half of what I would have eaten five months ago). I didn't feel satisfied at all, I wanted to throw up. I realized it didn't even taste as good as it use to, and that I just kept eating because that who I was. But when I was done, I realized I'm not that person anymore. I'm the person who has two slices with some salad, no wings, and calls it good! I don't take satisfaction out of stuffing myself anymore, it makes me sick. And I was, all night! I woke up like three times to go to the bathroom!

So even though this was not exactly a win, in a way it was. Because I recognize growth in the fact that I'm not that person anymore. I don't need food to satisfy me, because I can find that in other places. Like in my clothes fitting better, believing Mike when he tells me I'm beautiful, being able to work out and keep up with Mike, and knowing that I'm doing good things for myself, and ultimately my family!
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15 comments:

fatgirl_vs_world said...

Like my nutritionist said -- "Not every day is thanksgiving. You don't have to eat like it is."

Lily Fluffbottom said...

Isn't it wonderful to learn how much you've grown by participating in old habits and no longer finding comfort in them?

You're doing great!

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

Don't you just love all the "learning" we get? :) You re wise to recognize that and realize that you are not that person anymore! That is a big step. I am learning that same thing! (when do we get to stop learning and "master" it I wonder?)
~Margene

Mike (Bob) Vande Sluis said...

Just want to say that i'm sorry for mentioning pizza when we got home. I a so proud of you and your accomplishments over the weekend. I hope you post those pics soon. Love you hun!!!

Natalia said...

Hey Sam! I think it's great that this happened. Not that you felt/got sick. If you didn't stuff yourself, you may not have come to this realization. This is a huge step for you. Good for you!!!! :)

julielopez3 said...

Another good lesson we learn on our journey to a healthier you!

Traci said...

That's a great realization. Even if it took getting sick to happen. Sometimes that's what it takes. That's awesome to know you're not that person anymore. I loved that title and thought about it. I'm not either.

Lesia said...

Can't wait to see the pictures of your camp out. You will remember this moment next time and you will be a stronger person for it. smile.

Heather Summers said...

SAM! I am so excited for you! This is a great turning point and as you said...not who you are now! How wonderful for you! Can't wait to see your camping pictures! I LOVE camping! Heather

pounce said...

We all have old, useless 'stories' about ourselves! An old story I have about myself is, "I am sad/depressed." This is a useless and totally FALSE story.
In order to release my bad story, I view all my old stories as old newspapers. Would I want to reread the same newspaper everyday of my life?! Would I move all my old newspapers with me when I get a new home, new relationship, new job etc? NO!!! That would make no sense. I would throw all those old papers and stories IN THE TRASH! "I USED TO be that way...not anymore!" Time to form some healthy, NEW stories about you! :)

Happy Fun Pants said...

Definitely a NSV and I love how you're looking on the positive side to things! :)

Traci said...

ooh like the new blog layout too.

Heather Summers said...

How adorable is your blog? LOVE IT!!!! I am so excited (and jealous:) Sorry we didn't chat today...just got home from Emma's track and field and guess what...she got first in high jump! Amazing considering she had a melt down about it two nights ago! Anyhow, gotta prep for my class now so we'll be in touch!!! Thanks for all you do!

Heather Summers said...

How adorable is your blog? LOVE IT!!!! I am so excited (and jealous:) Sorry we didn't chat today...just got home from Emma's track and field and guess what...she got first in high jump! Amazing considering she had a melt down about it two nights ago! Anyhow, gotta prep for my class now so we'll be in touch!!! Thanks for all you do!

Dawn Pritchard The Inked Stamper said...

I am so proud of you Sam!!!! That is awesome you have changed you habits and realized you are not"that girl" any more! Sorry you were sick...but you learned a lesson from it so there was a huge silver lining!