It's Like Christmas

I can't wait any longer!! I guess for now, I just need the validation of sharing my good news and my big steps. It does make me happy to know that I'm making changes for better in my life, and that I can share that with people I care about. I don't think that's wrong, or bad. I think that eventually, it won't be as prevalent in my life, but for now - it is. And I'm just going to accept that.

SOOO... let me tell you about some of the non-scale victories I had, and the scale victory I had. P.S. (for PRE script :D) - this will probably be a long post. So thanks in advance for reading. And if you get all the way to the end, there is a challenge and invitation!! A reward!! (Ana said people wouldn't read my long post - let's prove her wrong! Leave me lots of comments!! :D Love you Ana!)

Non-Scale Victories

1. My friend Tami from A Battle Worth Winning invited me to go with her this week to an Addiction Recovery Program from the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. Actually... I kind of invited myself. But she was gracious enough to take me. This is what I had really wanted to tell you about last week and was my big secret. :D They have classes for all types of addictions, including one for food, and you get to go through the 12 steps of recovery. What I love about it, is that some of the steps have been altered just a bit to be more centered around Christ and our religious beliefs. This is something that I have been craving! I feel like I'm getting a handle on the exercise, on the eating, I've been working on my thinking and thoughts, but I really feel a lack in the spiritual things. Which is sad, because really, those are the most important (at least to me). So when she was telling me about it, I decided I wanted to give it a try. So Tuesday night we went and it was a very humbling and spiritual experience.

They have a missionary couple that runs the meeting and then there were about 10 ladies there from all walks of life. At the beginning of the meeting we read the 12 steps and then a little lesson from step 2. Then it was the sharing time. We went around the room and each person is able to share their thoughts and feelings on pretty much whatever. It was hard because you're not suppose to do what's called Cross Talk, meaning you cannot respond to what they were saying. That was so hard because you just wanted to comfort them and reassure them. But you couldn't, you just had to listen and learn, and if necessary apply what they are saying to your own journey. Anyone that knows me, knows it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut! Not that I don't mind listening! But I also want to express encouragement and love to a person in pain, and I couldn't, so that was hard. As I listened to these amazing women, I learned several things. I learned that I am not alone in the pain I have felt through out my life. I learned that there are some out there with much bigger pain than I even dreamed possible. I realized I have led quite a sheltered life, not that that makes my pain any less real. Just something I realized.

I also discovered just how far I've come in the last 6 months. Some of the things expressed I would think, Yes! I totally know what you mean - that's so painful! But then as I examined my thoughts and feeling further, I realized, I don't really feel that way anymore. For instance, hating my body. I use to, as I've talked about. I use to detest it. I would just get so frustrated that it couldn't obey what my desires in my heart were. That it would betray me at every turn. I hated the way it looked. I hated that it wouldn't allow me to get pregnant. But during the last 6 months, I've learned that it was never my bodies fault, because through my choices, I had taught it to crave those things. I had conditioned it to want the bad food and think it needed them. I've learned that my body is amazing! It can do things like go up mountain sides, go for long walks, and be used for a plethora of other wonderful things. I now look at it as a true gift from God. And I now know that it is trainable. So that's what I'm doing, I'm retraining my body.

The other thing is you get a work book for the 12 steps. You work at your own pace and go through the steps. I'm working on step 1 this weekend, I'll post more about that next week. So overall it was a good experience. I met some new friends that I'm very excited to get to know! As I get more into it, I'm sure you'll be hearing more. If you want information about a group to attend in your own area, you can check it out at http://www.providentliving.org/content/list/0,11664,4177-1,00.html.

2. I exercised a lot this week. And not because I thought to myself, I need to exercise more so I can lose weight. But because I truly wanted to! I didn't plan ahead what I would do. Just each day I thought, hmmm... I would really like to exercise today - and today I feel like doing XYZ. I'd pick an exercise, and do it! This is so not how I use to do it, but you know, what I use to do didn't really work for me. So... I changed it. And it's way better for me!

My knee has been hurting. So on Wed Mike asked me not to do anything strenuous on my knee until I had gone to a doctor. So Ana and I went swimming, which was great because I haven't done that in a long time. I'm not a very strong swimmer, but I did pretty well. I did several laps in a row, which for me is really huge. Then I got a foot cramp and it came to a screeching halt! I usually swear when I get them because they hurt soooooo bad - but... there were little scouts around working on their merit badges, so I didn't. I guess that's progress too, right?! Mike said that the cramp meant I was pointing my toes, which is really good for swimming and that ultimately it was a good sign. Mostly I just think it hurt, a LOT! Mike was a competition swimmer in high school and took the gold medal for state three times! So he would know!

The next day I went to see my Chiropractor, who is AWESOME!!! (If your in the area and need a good doctor to see that won't try and put you on some big plan - he just helps you, go see him. His site is http://www.bodyworkschiro.com/. If you go in, give them my name, then I can earn a free massage. Come on people... free massage!!! :D But seriously, he is really great!) He told me it's that my IT Band is pulling on my knee. So he did my adjustments, gave me some exercises to do, and is going to have me come back two more times. He also told me to keep exercising. My knee isn't super painful, just enough that it's bothersome. He said I could just work through it and that would be the best thing for it.

So here is my biggest news - that night Mike and I went for a walk. We have this little path (that I think I've mentioned before) that goes around a nearby neighborhood. It's 2 miles from my door back to my door. I usually just walk it once, and will jog in small intervals. Well for the last week or so, I've been wanting to try going around it twice. So we DID!!! WOO HOO!! We walked the first time around (except on this hill at one part, I just needed a different pace, so I jogged up it, felt great!). Then, I asked if we could go again, and even though Mike was in some pain, he agreed. And we decided to do some jogging too. So we took off from the beginning point and jogged. I will always pick a point and jog to that point, then walk. So I picked my point, which was probably about a 30 sec - 1min jog. I got there and thought, I could keep going. I kept doing that almost the entire two miles!! I only walked two times each about 1/4 mile. So I jogged about 1 1/2 miles. Which was simply shocking to me considering I really didn't work up to it a ton. Or maybe I did, and just didn't realize it. Either way, I was SO stoked!! Slower than tar - but I did it!! I know that as I continue to build up my endurance and breathing skills, my speed will come. Mike told me my walking pace and jogging pace are about the same. Haha!! I'm okay with that, because I jogged and I did something hard, and I lived to tell the tale!

Ana has been bugging me to do this 5k with her on the 26th. I was thinking that I couldn't do it yet and that I wasn't ready. But... I think I am ready, and I'm going to do it. It will be my first 5k. I will not be able to jog the entire thing, but I think I can jog a good part of it at least. I'll let you know how it goes - wish me luck!

3. When I started this I wore a size 22 or 24 pants. This week I pulled out two pair of pants both size 18 and wore them! And the fit! One gave a little muffin top, but that is easily hidden behind my shirts - which are all getting too baggy. :D

Scale Victory

At home, in the morning, when I'm naked (don't judge me - you know you do it too!) I weigh 224. I know, I know - it's not about the scale, and I'm not my number. AND I shouldn't weigh on more than one scale, more than once a week. But... that just doesn't work for me. I weigh one time each morning, and this gives me feedback on how I'm doing. I feel like I have a healthy relationship with my scale, so this is okay with me. :) Anyway... 224 - seriously, that's awesome!! When I weighed in I had a 2lb lose bringing my total to 227. lbs. So obviously my scale is a little off, and when you consider I weigh in at night. But still. I'm super excited and plan to have another great loss this week.

You still with me?

Last but not least I wanted to mention goals. I have changed up my goal structure a little. I am still going for 100lbs this year. But I had broken it down to monthly goals, but they weren't happening and I was just getting frustrated. So I changed it a little. My goal is to lose 15lbs by my birthday, July 21. My cousin, Kira, and I were going to go downtown to have a girls weekend. But due to some money factors, we've changed the plan a bit. Here is where you come in.

I'm putting a challenge out there for anyone (ladies only, sorry guys. Actually, I don't know if any men besides Mike and my Dad read my blog) that wants to participate. Set a goal, ANY goal - weight loss or not, to achieve by July 21. If you achieve it (and are local or want to travel) we are all going to go out to dinner to celebrate our success! I haven't picked a restaurant yet, but I want it to be something out of the norm. If you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them! I have Convention for work the week my bday so we have to do it the following weekend, so on the 30th of July we'll go out! So... mark your calendars, set your goal, and post it on here!! Then let's all get busy!! Hope you'll join us, I think it will be a ton of fun!