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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Just acknowledging

It has been a very interesting month. I've had a lot of unexpected stresses. We weren't planning on Mike's back (when is something like that ever planned for?). It has been a real challenge for him. It's been stressful having him out of work and having to take FMLA. But can I just say how grateful I am that he has been blessed with a great job that comes with short term! I'm grateful that he is able to take the time he needs to heal. There are other areas of my life that have also been adding stress. I am not at liberty to discuss them here, but let's just say it has been a painful couple of weeks. Last night I had someone that I love hurt me. I know she didn't mean to. She was trying to be encouraging and help me see some hard truths. But I wasn't ready to face those truths, I just needed a friend. Either way, I've thought a lot about what she said, and although it hurt, she is right. I guess it takes a real friend to tell you the things you least want to hear. The truth is I haven't been really trying, I haven't been pushing myself. I've been allowing family stress, money stress, work stress, friend stress, and what others think of me stop me from doing what I want most. I've spent so much energy on all that's been going wrong; I've missed what could be going right. Sometimes I feel like being like Willow, and taking my blankie, going into a corner, and just pouting. But... I'm not a dog (no comments from the peanut gallery on that one!), I'm not a child, and I have to be responsible. It's time to buck up and stop whining. It's time to stop complaining about what isn't and focus on what is. It's time to step up and CHANGE what I have in my power to change and then trust in God that the rest will work itself out. This means bringing in extra income to relieve that pressure, this means being a better house keeper on a regular basis so it doesn't build up and I'm ready to pop! This means taking better care of my husband and giving him a better environment in which he can heal in. And it means taking better care of me and really getting outside my comfort zone to lose this dang weight. Time to pull on my big girl panties and do something about it all. It means it's time to stop just talking about change, and actually do it. I'll admit I'm scared. Scared I can't do it. Scared I can't really become the person I want to be, and that those loved ones in my life need me to be. Scared that I'll always feel average. You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so I'm acknowledging my fears, but I'm not going to wallow in them. I'm going to go to bed, and tomorrow I'm going to wake up and be ready for a new day. I'm going to come up with a schedule that contains exercise, money building activities, cooking, cleaning and yard work. I'm going to pray for those I feel wronged by and forgive them, and pray that I can be aware of others and not hurt them. I'm going to have a positive attitude and push the negative out. I'm going to go and do. Wish me luck!

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4 comments:

The Warner Corner said...

I am so sorry! You can come over anytime you need someone!! I need to be a better friend. I'm always here for you! I can't wait to start walking together. I need it so much. I love you. I KNOW that you can make any changes you want to. I know how scary it is! I'm scared too right now about making some HUGE changes that really need to be made but I'm afraid I'll fail AGAIN! I'm pulling on my big girl panties right along with you. I love you TONS Sam!! I'm so grateful that we are friends.

Quay said...

I'm here to wish you a ton of LUCK...I have been in your shoes my dear! And in some small way I am right where your at. No money, a sick hubby, and trying to make some income with my Tupperware. It is tough at times. But I feel your pain and stress right along with you. And I was so excited to see you in person tonight. Wish there would have been time to chat. Maybe next week! Pick one thing and do it well, then go to a 2nd thing and do that well, and before you know it you are juggling your life with some ease and you'll realize you can make.

Hang in there Sam...keep on keepin' on!!! (old 70's saying) LOL

~Lesia and Clay~ said...

I love your attitude! With that kind of mind set you are bound NOT to fail. Your fears can be eased by the help of your friends. Lean on the ones who will help build you up. Remember for extra guidance you always have your Father in Heaven who loves you very much and has a unconditional love for you. Good luck tomorrow and you go get em girl!

Russ and Liana said...

Love you, Sami!