It has been a very interesting month. I've had a lot of unexpected stresses. We weren't planning on Mike's back (when is something like that ever planned for?). It has been a real challenge for him. It's been stressful having him out of work and having to take FMLA. But can I just say how grateful I am that he has been blessed with a great job that comes with short term! I'm grateful that he is able to take the time he needs to heal. There are other areas of my life that have also been adding stress. I am not at liberty to discuss them here, but let's just say it has been a painful couple of weeks. Last night I had someone that I love hurt me. I know she didn't mean to. She was trying to be encouraging and help me see some hard truths. But I wasn't ready to face those truths, I just needed a friend. Either way, I've thought a lot about what she said, and although it hurt, she is right. I guess it takes a real friend to tell you the things you least want to hear. The truth is I haven't been really trying, I haven't been pushing myself. I've been allowing family stress, money stress, work stress, friend stress, and what others think of me stop me from doing what I want most. I've spent so much energy on all that's been going wrong; I've missed what could be going right. Sometimes I feel like being like Willow, and taking my blankie, going into a corner, and just pouting. But... I'm not a dog (no comments from the peanut gallery on that one!), I'm not a child, and I have to be responsible. It's time to buck up and stop whining. It's time to stop complaining about what isn't and focus on what is. It's time to step up and CHANGE what I have in my power to change and then trust in God that the rest will work itself out. This means bringing in extra income to relieve that pressure, this means being a better house keeper on a regular basis so it doesn't build up and I'm ready to pop! This means taking better care of my husband and giving him a better environment in which he can heal in. And it means taking better care of me and really getting outside my comfort zone to lose this dang weight. Time to pull on my big girl panties and do something about it all. It means it's time to stop just talking about change, and actually do it. I'll admit I'm scared. Scared I can't do it. Scared I can't really become the person I want to be, and that those loved ones in my life need me to be. Scared that I'll always feel average. You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so I'm acknowledging my fears, but I'm not going to wallow in them. I'm going to go to bed, and tomorrow I'm going to wake up and be ready for a new day. I'm going to come up with a schedule that contains exercise, money building activities, cooking, cleaning and yard work. I'm going to pray for those I feel wronged by and forgive them, and pray that I can be aware of others and not hurt them. I'm going to have a positive attitude and push the negative out. I'm going to go and do. Wish me luck!