It feels so great!

Yesterday I had the pleasure of talking to one of my demonstrators; let's call her Demo Pink Passion (because she is so passionate about life!). She has had a tough year. Lots of extra pressures on her, family stuff, and other things. This demo is so positive usually and has a fabulous attitude! Yesterday, she had let the weight on her shoulders bring her down. But let's be fair, sometimes you need that. You need to be able to vent. You need to be able to feel sad, if you're sad, angry if you're angry, etc. The important thing is not to stay there. If you do, you get stuck in a negative circle, and it just keeps getting worse. Demo Passion is really good at seeing when she is in that circle, and pulling herself out. And when she doesn't see it, she is really good about accepting a gentle push in the right direction. Now, I don't know if what I said was "gentle" per say, but it was done with love at least! ;) Sometimes you just need a friend to tell you to forgive yourself and move on. What was really cool is as I was telling her that, I realized, I was telling myself that too. I've been in a circle, and can't seem to get out. I've been discouraged about my business goals, my weight loss goals, and my relationship goals. I have had some things happen in the last two weeks that I let stop me. I let them control me. And I haven't been doing what I can do to change anything. Well, after this great chat with my friend, she was feeling better, and so was I! I realized that just as she is a determined, smart, woman, so am I. And I can do better, and should expect better from myself. There is no point in beating myself up over it. It is what it is. I've forgiven myself, and I'm ready to move on.

Today is my 3rd day eating clean in a row. It feels so great! I haven't been eating any gluten, and at this point, I honestly don't miss it. It felt so empowering today when there were donuts and treats, and I didn't even feel compelled to cheat. In fact, I felt proud that I didn't even want them and that I had the power to say, no. I also passed up the opportunity to eat out. It was a good day. I weigh in tonight, but no matter what the scale says, I feel good. The sun is shining, I'm learning about myself, I went to the gym yesterday BY MYSELF, and I love life.

So here is my win about the gym. Okay, first of all, I get off work and think "I'm going to the gym". By the time I got home it was "I should go to the gym". After I'd had a snack and watch a little of Angel (Yes, we are huge Angel and Buffy fans, I'm a geek - I know) I thought "Maybe I won’t' go". Mike really encouraged me though, so I bucked up, put my shorts on (I have never worn shorts at the gym!), and went. I get there and get on the elliptical machine. I think to myself, I'll do 30 minutes. After about 8 minutes I think, "I'll just do 20". Then, when I got to 20, I noticed that I was at 1.59 miles. So I thought, "I'll just do 2 miles". So when I got to 2 miles, I had 5 minutes more and I would be at 30. SO I did it. It felt so good afterward and I accomplished what I had set out to do. Yes, it took some encouragement and steps, but I did it!

One of the things Demo Passion and I talked about was remembering the why. That is something that I really have to go back and think about. Why am I doing all of this? Well one, I want to be a better person, wife, daughter, friend, coworker, etc. Two, I want to be a better mom then I would be if I didn't do it. I don't think I would be a bad mom now, I just think I could be better. I want to be a mom more than anything, and I know that to get there, and have a healthy baby, I need to lose this weight and I want to have a strong spiritual foundation. They say when you want something, visualize it, feel it any way you can. I have a friend that tried to get pregnant for 10 years. Wow, how much strength and faith would that take. She finally is pregnant and her baby shower is on Saturday. Although I love her, I've been dreading it. Baby showers are so painful and such a blaring reminder of what I want and can't seem to have (right now). The last one I went to, I left sobbing. But... I think it's important that I go. And I'm going with the attitude that this is a reminder of what I want, not of what I can't have. Wish me luck!

What is your why? Why are you doing whatever it is your doing to be better? Whatever it is, don't let yourself forget. Remind yourself every day, and it makes the doing of the little actions easier to do. It makes it fun! Yes, in the last three days, I've had fun eating healthy, and going to the gym. And I plan to keep making it fun for the rest of the week. Make it fun!



Dawn said…
First, I so want to be Demo Pink Passion when I grew up!!

Next, and this is not always easy, but you need to do it. You need to dig deep and find a way to go the Baby Shower with a SMILE and celebrate. You owe it to your friend, you owe it to YOU. It is so important to be able to celebrate with others the things they have achieved that we want the most, but have not yet been blessed with. I KNOW this not easy, but if you truly believe in yourself, the celebration for others becomes empowering beyond any words. Be gracious. Be Kind. Get Empowered and Celebrate. When I wore my fancy outfit to awards night 3 years ago, trust me, I was devestated and hearbroken, but I also knew celebrating for all the girls that worked do hard to get there, was what I needed to do. I cheered louder than any in the audience that night!! I was proud for them and I was more determined than ever to make it "my turn" the next time around. Your time will come Sam. And just so you know, GREAT Moms come in all shapes, colors and sizes. Some have extra body parts, some have missing body parts. None of those things is what is in their HEART that makes them GREAT Moms. You are already a GREAT Mom and when God decides on just the right baby for your family, that baby will be BLESSED to have you as a MOM!! Now go and pick out your fancy outfit for the party Sam!! Love you lots my friend!!
Higbee said…
This is great Sam!!! Baby steps all the way. I am so proud of you!! You jumped over a huge puddle today! Great work lady!
Sam~I know you don't know me very well yet but I hope we can become a strength to each other. Your trip to the gym sounds like the one I have every day right here in my home as I get on the exercise bike. I was very sad and disappointed at tonight's weigh-in but I took a Valium and I feel much better now. Another fresh start to a new week. Love your blog and it is very pretty too. I agree with Dawn on the whole mom thing. your so to be support friend Lesia (the MS girl)

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