My before picture - taken at the very end of December 2009.
My most current after picture. I don't love this shirt on me, but I can really see my weight loss in my face and stomach. Sorry about the demon eyes!! :)
I've lost 26lbs since I began on January 4, 2010 (although I weigh in tonight and I think I've lost maybe 3 more). I am currently following the Weight Watchers plan. I am not following an exercise plan right now. But I am hiking once a week, doing some walking and light jogging, and trying different work out videos. My favorite snack would be string cheese and fruit probably. Right now I'm also kind of digging the baked Cheetos. Probably shouldn't but it just hits the spot and feels naughty, when really it's not too bad in the calorie department. Yum!
The biggest life lesson I have learned on my journey so far is forgiveness. This applies to weight loss on so many levels. There is the short term - forgiving myself for messing up, for not exercising, for binging, etc. I think that can be one of my biggest stumbling blocks sometimes. I come down so hard on myself, that it can be hard to get back up and keep going. But I am learning to forgive those mistakes. To take precautions so they don't happen, and to acknowledge when they do - but then move on! Forgiveness is also about the past. I'm learning to forgive myself for getting to this place again. That didn't happen overnight, it happened one bite at a time for 15 years, getting over it isn't going to happen right away either. And I'm okay with that, I know it's a process and a journey. There is also the matter of forgiving those that hurt me along the way. Things that I have pent up over the years and have let poison me. As I am able to forgive them, it's like I can literally feel the weight come off my shoulders (and my butt, thighs, arms, etc!).
I think the biggest strength I've discovered in myself on my journey is that I can do hard things. I use to know that, and do hard things all the time. But several years ago, I just stopped trying. Then it wasn't that I stopped trying, but that "I am weak, lazy, and can't do it". But I am learning that I CAN do it! These are hard things, and take a strong person to do them. I am a strong person!
My toughest struggle has been my mental blocks. Which I think stems from the forgiveness I was talking about. What will happen is I'll mess up, have a bad eating day. And I'll either rationalize it into a worse eating day, or beat myself up over it so much that I eat more anyway! Then, I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm frustrated. All those feelings do not make you want to jump up the next morning and say "Gee, I think I'll eat really healthy today". So then you have a 2nd bad day, and it snowballs. Usually for about a week or two. Then I finally realize, "What am I doing!". And then comes the thinking game. I'm going to think about ALL my mistakes, and what I did wrong, and how I got here, how depressed I am, and blah blah blah. I usually stay in this state for a month or so. Then finally one day, I just randomly wake up and it's the day! The day I start eating healthy, which usually carries on anywhere from 4 weeks - 3 months. I haven't been able to get rid of this cycle yet, but I am recognizing it and hoping to shorten it each time until it is non-existent.
Who is my biggest supporter? Mike, hands down, Mike! He is the best husband and really supports me in being healthy. He encourages me to exercise, to eat right (even when maybe he doesn't want to), and to love myself. He always makes me feel beautiful and that he loves me no matter what size I am. The couple of times I have considered canceling WW for money reasons, he has told me no. We will find the money somewhere else. I love this man with all my heart and thank God everyday that I was lucky enough to get him!
When I reach my goal weight what will I do then? Go to Disneyland! J/K I will keep going! Hopefully by that time we will be super active, doing lots of biking, hiking, snow shoeing, snow boarding, camping, backpacking, rock climbing, running, etc. At that time I hope that our debt will all be paid off and we'll be able to start doing all the tests in fertility so that we can grow our little family. We desperately want children, and losing the weight is the first step. Maybe someday I'll post more on that and why it's a problem.
I wish someone had told me when I began to love myself for who I am NOW. Don't love just the future you, appreciate the goodness in your heart now. Because ultimately when you lose the weight, you are still that person, just in a smaller body. And losing weight when you love yourself is much easier then losing it when you don't. I've not mastered this, I still work on it every day. But I can tell you that the days I eat really well and exercise - it's not because of my "strong willpower". It's because on those days I am feeling grateful to be me. I also wish someone had told me to start a weight loss blog a LONG time ago. That has really been key for me this time around. And I know that there won't be another time around. This is it. I am going to hit my goal and stay there and enjoy life to the fullest along the way. The journaling, giving of support to other bloggers, and receiving of support from other bloggers and my family from my blog has been so amazing and such a strength to me.
My last thought and words of wisdom - DON'T STOP!!! Even if you have a bad day, get up the next day and try again.
The next blog on our tour is Tami's blog at A Battle Worth Living. Thanks for stopping by and enjoy the tour!!