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Friday, January 1, 2010

A New Year, A New Begining, A New Me

Well, the holidays have come and gone, it goes so fast! As I have been contemplating my life and this last year, I have much to be grateful for and also had some painful realizations.

In a lot of ways, it was a fabulous year. We bought our first house! Woo Hoo for us! We love the area and the ward and are happy to have our own place finally. We did some painting in the bedroom and the office, changed out all the 70's fans (yuck!) and bought some matching furniture (Bout' dang time). This spring our big project will be the yard. While the front is pretty easy and manageable, we have a jungle out back! Willow will have lots to do!



Also, we recently added a new member to our little family. This is Willow. She is a Pug/Border Collie mix and is almost 9 weeks old. Our good friends, Liana and Russ, realized their Border Collie, Echo, was pregnant in October. And on November 2, she had three little girl pups. We debated about taking one of them, but finally gave in. And when you look at that sweet face, you can see why! It's been a little bit of a transition for us, but we love having her in our home. It's nice to have someone little to love and give attention to! And beyond the nipping and accidents that are just a part of the puppy life, she is a really good dog! Speaking of accidents, I'll be right back...


It has also been a year for growth for both Mike and I. We have learned a lot more about each other, and what we want out of life. We have learned about relationships and are striving to treat each other with more consideration and kindness. Although the good Lord has not seen to bless us with a child, I still feel very blessed. I love my husband with all my heart and am ever grateful for his presence in my life. I only hope that I can learn to better support and love him as we move into another year of our marriage.
Those painful realizations I mentioned were mostly about me, and how selfish I can be. There are things that use to be in my life that I foolishly let go of. And others that I have been clinging to that only bring myself and those around me hurt and pain. My goal for 2010 is to once again, Believe in Myself. I know that on the surface, that sounds yet again like a selfish goal. However I think that I have many great things yet to do in this world. And because of my insecurities, fears, and doubts I hold back from doing many of them. Much of this does have to do with my weight, and much of it has to do with the person that hides behind the weight. I have two main goals for 2010. One is to strengthen my testimony, enjoy Temple attendance once again, and develop a intimate relationship with my Savior . The other is to loose 100lbs. This first goal is long over due and the fine has been a hefty one. One of my good friends gave me a bracelet this summer that has engraved on it "Believe In Yourself". I wear it every day to remind myself of what I am fighting for. Because ultimately, I believe that I can do this. I believe that I can be a much kinder and thoughtful person to those around me - especially my family. I believe that I can forgive those I feel wronged by and have a delightful relationship with them. I believe that I can change the lives of those around me for the better, and I can start that today. But I also know, that first there must be a change in me. And that is my goal, my strife, my journey this day. To be a better person, so that I can do more good in this world. And so that when the day comes that we are blessed to have children, I will be a much better mother for it all.
I invite you to join me on this journey. I ask for your help and support, as loosing 100lbs is a very large challenge. I would love to hear your comments, your successes, and your dreams. I want you to come away from my blog, believing in yourself!

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2 comments:

Maxine Conrad said...

I actually was going to make a comment but this post touched me so much I can't see.......AND I have my glasses on :) Good Luck Sam x

Angie Kennedy Juda said...

Hey Sam,
I believe in you! You are one of the kindest people I've ever met and I know you can do whatever you set your sights on. I'll keep you in my prayers and just maybe I'll join you on the goal to lose weight. (I want to lose 45 by the time I'm 45....but maybe a more realistic goal is to lose 45 in my 45th year :))
xoxo