"Heavy is the head that wears the crown,
don't let the greatness get you down"
~ Katy Perry
We got together with some our friends last week to celebrate some birthdays. It was fun as I haven't seen these friends in a while. My best friend's husband and I like to... tease each other a lot. And argue a lot. He likes to get a rise out of me, and I enjoy correcting him. At one point in the evening I called him a not very nice name. Which I honestly have done many times (and probably will say again). And when I said it he said "Yeah and? I own it!".
And even though he can drive me crazy sometimes, when he said that, it really did make me stop and think. Here I was calling him a name that to me, wasn't a pleasant name, but he was acting like I had complimented him. Now, of course, he was just playing the part. But at the same time, I know him to be a very confident person in who he is. He has some qualities that some people may look down on, and that I myself tease him about. But the truth is, he is one of the most confident people I know. He truly does "own" who he is, what he does, and what he says. I really respect that, and admire his courage.
The other day I sat down for some self reflection. We had a lesson in Young Womens on preparing ourselves for the life after this one. And how we won't be able to take any of our possessions with us, and what we will be able to take with us. I decided to take inventory on myself, if I were to die right now, what would I be taking with me. I made a list of my strengths and weaknesses. And it was really hard to list strengths. Things that I would have put down before, I felt like a hypocrite for writing them down. And I could think of all these examples of why that wasn't really a strength. And of course, my weakness list was a mile long.
After this experience with... we'll call him Bob (haha - this is a nick name he gave my husband that I don't care for too much), it made me think about "owning" myself. Owning my strengths, owning my weaknesses, owning me. I don't really own much of them to be honest. I wear my weaknesses like a badge of shame, but I don't accept them. I don't claim them as me, as a part of what makes me, me. I detest them, and ignore them, or dwell on them incessantly. And my strengths? I hide from those too, or I rationalize them away. I think of all the reasons they really aren't strengths, and why I don't deserve to claim them or own them.
So what if? What if we claimed our strengths and celebrated them. And what if we owned our weaknesses and just accepted them as a part of who we are. And what if we didn't judge ourselves for them but just saw them. What we are? Not that they have to be permanent, and that they can't be changed. But as Dr. Phil says, you can't change what you don't acknowledge. And I think I want to add to that, what you don't accept. I'm not talking about acceptance as in "I'm fat. Guess I'll always be fat". I'm just talking about loving one's self for who we are at the present moment, not feeling broken. I am not broken. You are not broken.
What am I owning today? I'm owning that I can be a very selfish person. I more often then not, put my own wants before others. I am also very manipulative and know how to push buttons to get what I want. I won't lie, it's painful to say that. Mostly because I know it's really true, and I'm owning it. But I'm not going to judge it. I'm not going to rationalize it or bemoan it. It is what it is... for now.
I am also trying to own my body. To accept it as is, and to believe and know that it is beautiful. This is VERY challenging for me. And not just my face and hair, but everything. My pudgy stomach, my large thighs, my voluptuous (great word, eh?) butt, and my cankles. I recognize that most of those words are not very kind, but that's how I feel. That's how I feel! And I am owning it for this moment. I'm allowing myself to feel it, with out anger, or pain, or pity, or censorship.
I'm going to own the good and the bad. Not to change me or to fix me. But just to be me. I challenge you to do the same!