So I have been visited by some Ghosts. That's right, you heard me. I was visited by the Ghost of Weight Loss Past, Ghost of Weight Loss Present, and Ghost of Weight Loss Future. Each of them has taken me for a different journey, and opened my eyes to some truths.
Weight Loss Past
My mom and I recently have been working on our friendship. I've really enjoyed the time with her and am having a lot of fun. My mom is an amazing person! I was venting about some things to her and she gave me some advice. One of the things she told me was I should go back and read my blog from last year. I read a post here and there, but I haven't read it all the way through. Just to give you an idea of what kind of challenge this was - in January I was looking at cost to get my blog for 2010 printed in a blog. Want to know how many pages that book will be (when I can finally afford it)? Over 400 pages! Of course that's including all the comments and pictures too. But still, that's a big book.
I started reading about a week and 1/2 ago at the very first post. And today I finished my last post. I learned somethings along the way:
1. I have AMAZING BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL LOVING THOUGHTFUL friends! Seriously, there were several times I was brought to tears by the support and love that was shared with me. The honesty, the accountability, the... sheer love. I don't know that I'll EVER be able to say THANK YOU enough! Wow, I'm just so touched! You changed me. Every one of you, you have had an impact on my life and I thank God for you. For those I know in real life who stuck with me, and those I've met through other blogs. I love you!
2. I change my mind... a LOT! Not really a good or bad thing I guess. Just something I noticed, as my "plan" changed about every other post. :D Guess that means I'm flexible?
3. I was strong, except for when I was weak. And I think a lot of times, I've let that weakness have too much power and control. And too often I allow it be an excuse to do less then my best.
4. I was strong, and I did hard things! I beat a lot of fears last year and it was really awesome to be reminded of that. Of how extraordinary it felt!
5. I love to run! It felt so good to use my legs and muscles, to spend quiet time with my thoughts, to be out doors, to sweat, and to breath.
6. I enjoyed WW, and I enjoyed Intuitive Eating. Both were difficult, and I learned a lot from both. Reading over my posts and really thinking about it, I don't regret my change to IE. I still believe the Spirit led me there, and that it was what was next. And I do not blame it for my falling off the wagon.
7. I talk a lot.
8. I was so sensitive to what others thought about me, I talked about it a lot! I started to stand up for myself more toward the end and that was good to see.
9. It was a great year!
While I sometimes felt some twinges of sadness reading last year's posts and how great things were going, and seeing my before and after pictures, more often then not, I just felt proud. I was proud of my courage, my faith gained, my honesty, and my heart.
Weight Loss Present
I began this journey at the beginning of 2010 weighing 260.8. Today I weigh 248. Even just a few weeks ago, seeing that in writing would have been heart breaking to me. But truthfully, reading my posts has given me a lot of retrospect, comfort, joy, and excitement. I am going to spend all my moments in the now to continue healing from the inside out. Giving to the Lord, my family, and others.
Weight Loss Future
I don't know what my future holds as far as weight loss goes, to be honest. As I've posted, I have no plan. And the more I read from last year, the more I feel like I don't want a plan. I have always been a person to set specific goals. Numbers, and dates, and plans, with charts, and measurements, and deadlines and rewards. But really, if I look back at those goals, not very many of them have ever really happened. Some have, but a very small majority. One thing that was so successful was my non-plan "plan" for exercise. It just worked for me, I felt free. I've already mentioned that I'm not following any real plan for exercise and diet right now. That's not changing. At all. I'm going to stick with the non-plan plan! In fact, I'm going to take it a step further. At the beginning of this year I set, again, very specific goals. Say bye bye! I really don't want to make a bunch of changes this year to this plan and that plan. But I am not going to focus on specific goals this year. I'm just going to live and focus on some general ideas and purposes. I'm just going to give. You want to see what I mean, read the page at the top of my blog called I Will...
I bought some new running shoes on Saturday. One thing we learned last year - if you are going to run - be good to your feet and wear the proper footwear! I am excited to put them to the pavement again!