Learning to Crawl

Don't miss out on the opportunity for BLOG CANDY! Read my last post too!!

So this last week was much better. I finally feel like I'm getting the hang of my new job. I'm still slow and ask LOTS of questions, but it doesn't sound like someone is speaking gibberish to me when I get the answers - so that's good! :) I ended up taking Thursday off because I wasn't feeling well. I've been having headaches a lot and it finally just got to me. I think they are due to all the sugar I've been eating (more on that in a minute) and my screen at work was all funky. But the fabulous IT department got my screen fixed, and I'll be coming down off my sugar high soon, so... it's all good. The day off really did me wonders though, I was able to get some real sleep and spent the day in silence. No music. No TV. No movies. No phone. It was wonderful! I just spent time with me. And Willow of course.

Friday was Mike's birthday! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY my love!! We've had a lot of good times in the last 6 years!!

I just love you SOOO much! Every day I thank my Father in heaven that he gave you to me. That he prompted me to go back to the Grub so we could meet. You are the joy of my life and I cannot imagine it without you. Thank you for all the hard work you do at work, and at home. You are so good to me, and I adore you!! I'm so proud of you for doing the two triathlons that you did, and know you will continue to get better and better until you are winning them! :) Happy Birthday!!

So things in the eating realm are going pretty well. I can tell that I've gained some weight, but... I'm okay with that. I am learning and know that as I continue to figure this out, it will come off. As mentioned a couple of posts ago, I am in the "eat anything I want stage". And believe me, I have worked this stage! :) I'm starting to realize that eating like this, while fun at first, is not something I want to do for my whole life. I feel lethargic most days, I have no energy, I just want to sleep. My exercise has pretty much come to a screeching halt. But I have been learning a lot about myself. I have been doing really well with only eating when I'm hungry. I am listening to my body and can feel the different stages of hunger really well. I know when it's time to eat. Sometimes I'm not able to eat then, so I also recognize when I have gone past that and am too hungry - which leads to problems.

I still am struggling with recognizing the fullness signal. Actually, no, I recognize it. I'm having trouble honoring it. I finally realized why though, I was still eating with distractions. Reading, watching TV, blogging etc. I kept thinking to myself, I'll just sit here and watch this, but I will also pay attention. And then I never would and I would eat right past full. Or I would only take a small amount with me thinking that would stop me, but then I'd just get more. I have also started watching Buffy (The Vampire Slayer series) again. There was about a year and 1/2 when that is about all we did. Watch and eat. So the fact that I turned it on again, not good.

The good news is that I recognized what was going on after only a couple of days, and have put a stop to it. On Thursday I boxed up all my diet books, food scale, and real scale. I also boxed up Buffy. I realize that I no longer need her as a coping mechanism (Yes, I am a dork, and I know it. ;D). I can cope just fine on my own, thank you. So my focus this week is to truly eat with no distractions. So our new rule in the house, we only eat in the kitchen. It goes back to habits. I have habits in the past of stuffing myself while watching a movie. Eating and eating and eating while reading a book in bed. Mindless stuffing food in my mouth while playing on the computer. But I don't really have any habit's associated with eating in the kitchen. And I'm not talking about eating at the refrigerator. I mean, we sit down and have a meal as a family at the kitchen table. We talk. We share. We eat. And... we have this new habit - we stop when we are satisfied! It's amazing! It seems to be really working... huh, who would've thought! ;)

As mentioned, I've been really tired. But I am starting to get to the point where I know that I can have ANY food I want, but... I don't want it. The other day I went grocery shopping. And I walked down the cookie, candy, and cracker isle. I told myself, "Okay Sam, you can have ANYTHING you want. You can only choose one, but it can be ANYTHING!". There were things that I considered, but when it came down to it, you know what I chose? Not the oreos, not the twinkies, not the rolos, not the taffy cookies. I chose Popcorn. So while I am still making choices that are probably not the most nutritious, I am starting to see that I don't have to eat this kind of food, if I don't want to. That I don't need it. And in some cases, I don't even want it! I'm starting to crave my fruits and veggies again. I actually ate some this week. I'm getting sick of eating out. We built it into our budget as that has always been a part of the "I can't have that, I'm dieting". I needed to be able to eat those things and know, that I would be able to eat them again (when the budget allowed of course). I've started thinking about getting out my recipe books and trying some new things. Things I skimmed over because they didn't fit in the "diet" but that would still actually be quite good for us.

I really feel like I'm making progress.

The other thing is that I am starting to want to jog again. I have slipped enough, that I don't really know where I am at or what I could do. I have a friend that she and I are going to walk twice a week. I think that is perfect. When I began exercising this year, that is exactly what I did. A couple of friends and I went walking. Not even really fast walking. Just walking to enjoy each other and enjoy being out doors. And I slowly worked up to jogging. I've decided to do the same thing. I'm not going to push myself. I know I want to jog again, but I am not going to stress out over it. I am going to go at my own pace. Last time it took me 2-3 months to get up to jogging 2-3 miles. I don't think it will take near as long this time, as I am still in pretty good shape. I also wanted to hike the A&B hike this year, but I just don't know if it's going to happen. I might still try for the end of October, but by then it may be too late in the season. If not, then in the spring for sure! I also know that as I increase my exercise again, my body will start craving real food. Food that will really give it the energy it needs. And I'm happy to say that my heart and mind are not too far from that. Life is good!!