It's time to show up!

"Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness & growth occurs while your climbing it."

~Author Unknown

Picture Source

Well, I'm finally starting to feel better. For the most part the spinning has stopped and I was finally able to go back to work. Two weeks on the couch -I watched all 7 seasons of Buffy! Gotta love a Buffy Marathon, but I was ready to get out of the house! There are moments where my head still has a LOT of pressure in it (like 80% of the time). It doesn't really hurt, but it's very uncomfortable. It kind of pulses, and gives me this floating feeling - like my head is going to float right off my body (no, I haven't been doing drugs! ;D). I don't know how to explain it. I tell you though, it makes it really hard to concentrate!

I had a lot of down time over the last two weeks. And I did not handle the food thing well - but I'm not going to dwell. I'm moving on. I also did quite a bit of thinking - I know, shocker right! It's no secret that I've been fighting some depression. Part of it's just winter blues. Part of it was being sick for so long. Part of it is dealing with my "failures" and seeing myself slid backwards at the end of last year.

I found the quote at the top of this post sometime last year. I didn't really know how pertinent it really would be. I did a lot of hiking last summer, and I definitely learned that so much of the beauty really is in the journey. Somewhere along the way, I seemed to forget that. And it's funny how when you stop for just a moment, really a MOMENT, it can all slip away.

I find myself at the bottom of the "weight loss" mountain again, looking up and asking myself "Really? You're really going to try and climb again?" And I'm delighted to say yes, yes I am. And you know what? It's not the same mountain. I'm not the same hiker.

Last year, I lost weight. But I lost a lot more then that. I let go of a lot of emotional baggage. And I feel it trying to creep back in. To creep in through the holes of frustration and depression to wrap it's cold fingers around my heart again. The negative thinking, the cruel words that are sharp as knives. But I'm putting my foot down. If I must, I'll gain physical weight again. Whatever. But I will NOT allow the emotional baggage that I had tossed out, to come back. I will however, protect myself, love myself, and continue to rid myself of these kinds of toxins. 

The picture I posted above shows some of our beautiful mountains! I love this valley and those are my mountains. But notice the ridges. When you climb up and down one of them, what is next but to go up the next one! There will ALWAYS be another mountain to climb. It is a natural part of life that I again stand at the bottom of this hill and prepare to climb. And it may be that the only thing I continue to lose is the emotional crap. Come what may.

One last thing, I'm tired of being average. I'm tired of quitting. I'm tired of being a flake. I'm tired of letting myself down, and letting others down. It's time to show up. Show up for me, show up for my responsibilities, and for others that need me.  

It's time to show up!

I'm going up that hill. If you've been struggling and sliding backwards - come take my hand and let's move forward together!