Wednesday, January 26, 2011

It's time to show up!

"Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness & growth occurs while your climbing it."
~Author Unknown

Picture Source
Well, I'm finally starting to feel better. For the most part the spinning has stopped and I was finally able to go back to work. Two weeks on the couch -I watched all 7 seasons of Buffy! Gotta love a Buffy Marathon, but I was ready to get out of the house! There are moments where my head still has a LOT of pressure in it (like 80% of the time). It doesn't really hurt, but it's very uncomfortable. It kind of pulses, and gives me this floating feeling - like my head is going to float right off my body (no, I haven't been doing drugs! ;D). I don't know how to explain it. I tell you though, it makes it really hard to concentrate!

I had a lot of down time over the last two weeks. And I did not handle the food thing well - but I'm not going to dwell. I'm moving on. I also did quite a bit of thinking - I know, shocker right! It's no secret that I've been fighting some depression. Part of it's just winter blues. Part of it was being sick for so long. Part of it is dealing with my "failures" and seeing myself slid backwards at the end of last year.

I found the quote at the top of this post sometime last year. I didn't really know how pertinent it really would be. I did a lot of hiking last summer, and I definitely learned that so much of the beauty really is in the journey. Somewhere along the way, I seemed to forget that. And it's funny how when you stop for just a moment, really a MOMENT, it can all slip away.

I find myself at the bottom of the "weight loss" mountain again, looking up and asking myself "Really? You're really going to try and climb again?" And I'm delighted to say yes, yes I am. And you know what? It's not the same mountain. I'm not the same hiker.

Last year, I lost weight. But I lost a lot more then that. I let go of a lot of emotional baggage. And I feel it trying to creep back in. To creep in through the holes of frustration and depression to wrap it's cold fingers around my heart again. The negative thinking, the cruel words that are sharp as knives. But I'm putting my foot down. If I must, I'll gain physical weight again. Whatever. But I will NOT allow the emotional baggage that I had tossed out, to come back. I will however, protect myself, love myself, and continue to rid myself of these kinds of toxins. 

The picture I posted above shows some of our beautiful mountains! I love this valley and those are my mountains. But notice the ridges. When you climb up and down one of them, what is next but to go up the next one! There will ALWAYS be another mountain to climb. It is a natural part of life that I again stand at the bottom of this hill and prepare to climb. And it may be that the only thing I continue to lose is the emotional crap. Come what may.

One last thing, I'm tired of being average. I'm tired of quitting. I'm tired of being a flake. I'm tired of letting myself down, and letting others down. It's time to show up. Show up for me, show up for my responsibilities, and for others that need me.  

It's time to show up!

I'm going up that hill. If you've been struggling and sliding backwards - come take my hand and let's move forward together!



Mom to the Fourth Power said...

I LOVE those Utah mountains! Nothing like them anywhere! I love your analogy too. Interesting how you say you're tired of begin average. I can relate to that. I am tired of not being on the radar. I'm tired of not living up to my potential. I had a goal I'm renewing and that is to try and do something out of my comfort zone every day!

My son has his Eagle Court of Honor coming up and I decided to do a "Mother's Tribute" talk. There could be over 100 people there and that terrifies me. I could easily just choose other speakers... but NO, I can do this. I want to do this. It is def. out of my comfort zone but why not? I can do hard things. YOU can do hard things... you already have done hard things. And there is always another mountain right there for us to climb and learn on. Let's do it!!


Cary said...

Hey, I love you and miss you! I am sorry you have been sick! Keven has been begging me to call you so we could have a game night! But my silly Spencer boy threw my phone in some water which happened to erase all my contacts so I don't have your number anymore! Text it to me or call and let's play!!!!

:Deliciously Healthy said...

Ditto girl!

Natalia said...

So true, there will ALWAYS be another mountain! :) I'm with you, lets head on up!

Anonymous said...

Climb that mountain, girl! You can do it! Glad you're feeling better. :)

Becky said...

LOVE it. Such a great attitude!

fatgirlwearingthin said...

I find that it's generally about this time when things start really slowing down, including the pep talks. This last leg of winter, illnesses and gray weather doesn't help either. Just consider January the bottom of that mountain and with every month that passes we are getting closer to the top where the air is clean and the sky is clear. We'll make it, Sam.

littlemisspretty said...

"It's not the same mountain. I'm not the same hiker."
That quote right there summed up so many times in my life when I thought NOT AGAIN!! Every time is different and we can choose to keep going or to quit.

Webster's said...

This post needs that song, "Go Climb that Mountain" by . . . Shoot! I can't remember it now! It's an LDS women's group. Perfect for this post! :)

Joy said...

Beautiful my friend!! I hear so much strength in you!! You are on your way!! You can do it!!

Keep focused!

Webster's said...

There is a song for this post! "Go climb that mountain" by Mercy River. It's perfect! :)

A Journey to a new me... said...

I'm glad your feeling better and ready to start a new! I've had veritgo in the past myself and it's a killer. Sadly mine does come and go I make due. I notice that the less stress I am under the less frequent it visits.

If you don't mind...I'll go up the hill with you...I've had my struggles too and it's nice to have a friend along for the journey!

Joy said...

Thinking of you today my friend. Hope all is well!!

Keep focused!!!

Kari@Onederland said...

WOW what a view!!!! Kinda makes me think that standing at the bottom of the weight loss mountain, getting to the top looks so hard, so challenging, and some days impossible.....but just like that mountain, I bet it's worth all the hard work because I'm sure on top, the view is breathtaking!