Thursday, January 6, 2011

Conflicted

I have started this post four times now. Here goes number five...

I am conflicted about whether to continue Intuitive Eating or go back to Weight Watchers, or trying in some way to do both. That is my conflict. 
The other conflict was about telling my readers that I was in conflict about this. :0 I have been so worried about what my readers will think. I've been feeling shameful and two faced. Not that either one of them are bad or wrong, It's just I've made such a big deal about not dieting. 

After writing practically two pages of posts trying to make light of this, or trying to justify myself, or trying to explain to you and help you understand I finally came to the realization - it's not about my readers! This is a very personal decision. And if some of my readers want to judge me for that... well then so be it.

My good friend Anne from Smaller Fun Pants has been talking a lot about part of this journey being that she is learning to stand up for herself. I think I am learning that too. Sometimes, it's about standing up to yourself and encouraging yourself to make better choices. And sometimes about standing up for yourself (in a loving way), it's about self respect. I need to do more of both! In continuing my blog, I need to be less fearful about what others will think - and just put myself and honest thoughts on the line.

Last fall, I stood up for myself and I took a chance. I quit dieting and I tried Intuitive Eating. I feel like I learned so much in the first three months. But somewhere a long the way I stopped the number one thing you must do in Intuitive Eating - I stopped being aware. It's important to me that you recognize this not as a fault with the idea or program, but really, it was my choice to do that. I have met some amazing people who have lost and maintained their loss with this life style. I know in my heart that this is the ultimate plan for me. 

I just seem to be struggling a bit with the trusting myself. Trusting my body. I kind of need a push. Weight Watchers is such a great plan, because although yes - it's counting points - it's still a lot about listening to my body and learning to trust - just surrounded with a little more structure. Maybe it's about learning to crawl before you walk? I don't know... maybe I'm justifying myself and my fears. 

Mike said he might be willing to go with me to Weight Watchers, and that is a really big draw! I've been wanting us to really dig down and do this together. He will usually follow along with whatever I am doing, but if he came, I just think we could do it so much better then we ever have before.

Well... as you can see I'm not very close to an answer. But... I will make my decision this weekend and move forward. I've let this week slide, because I really have been quite conflicted about the whole thing. But it's time to decide. Whatever I do, I'm ready to move forward!

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13 comments:

dawne said...

I'm glad you haven't given up blogging Sam. This is a journey, your journey. Making a big deal of intuitive eating, as you put it, was part of your journey. Now, there might be a turn in the road, where you apply what you learned from that experience to the next leg of the journey. None of us has this figured out, or we'd be millionaires!!!! Trust your decisions, trust the process, trust the experiences and trust your own, personal journey. Good luck with your decision!

Webster's said...

I am sure you have heard about all the new changes in the WW program. I am more impressed with it now than I ever was before. Just something to look into . . .

HCGpower said...

Yep thats what this whole life is about learning growing being ok with yourself your doing great and never never should you care what others think. That would be the greatest if the Hubby were the partner. I waited a long time and then got on the ball alone so kudos to him for being your workout buddy. Please read my blog today its for such a great cause and she so needs it.

Stephanie said...

I agree with Webster. I've been a member of WW off and on for many years now, and the new Points Plus program is the best idea they've come up with yet, in my personal opinion. In the end though, you should do what you feel is best for YOU and no one else. I'll be here supporting you every step of the way. :)

aperfectversionofmyself said...

I do Weight Watchers (I'm actually a leader now!) and I combine it with an Intuitive Eating plan as well. I keep track of points, choose healthy, nutritious foods BUT listen to my body. If I'm not hungry, I stop eating. I don't eat all my points just cause they're there. I also try not to choose the lowest point foods, just so I can get the most volume out of the points I am spending.

The new WW plan is the best plan they've ever had - it totally works with intuitive eating. You should give it a try!

Leslie said...

I applaud your honesty! I don't think anyone (or anyone worth listening to) would judge you if you decide to go back to WW. Maybe changing things up a bit will help. I'm not a member but have considered giving it a try. Let's also remember power of social support (especially from the hubby)!

A Journey to a new me... said...

You're right-It doesn't matter what your "readers" will think or say. Your journey is about YOU (a journey that you are kind enough to put into blog land so that others (like myself) can draw strength from). I used to struggle myself with what to write on my blog because I wanted so badly for others to respond to what I wrote...to be "popular" amongst those in blog land. But that isn't me. Besides my best blog posts (IMO) are the ones I type freely about what's on my heart/mind/soul, not caring what others think or if they will say anything.

I joined ww on 9-28-10 and am so glad I did. At the time I was going to give myself 3 months and then re-evaluate to see if I wanted to contiue. WW has truly been a blessing and the new PointsPlus is soooooooooo easy! I wish my hubs would go with me (he could use to learn a thing or two) but he's comfortable where he's at in life (weight wise and all)....

Annie said...

If your hubby is willing to do WW with you, I say DO IT! My DH does WW with me and it has brought us closer together as we're both working on the same thing and know what it takes to do it together. It's great!! :) Either way, you won't regret making changes for the better, no matter what you decide.

ladyofthehouse said...

You have to do what is right for you. If you feel it's time to try WW or try it in conjuction with intuitive eating, then go for it. We all have to evaluate where we are from time to time and sometimes we see that we need to tweak things. Wishing you much success whatever you decide!!
I too worry about what people will think of my posts and can relate to what "Journey.." wrote above. When people dont' comment for a while I question myself. But I too have given up worrying about that. I have to do it for me.

:)

Lily Fluffbottom said...

I think figuring out how to do both could potentially be ideal. But ultimately you have to do whats best for you.

I think of blogs sometimes as internal conversations you have with invisible strangers. You have the option to say what you really mean to say in the moment you say it, and the option to listen or ignore everyone that might offer suggestions, advice, or support. Whatever happens, keep us updated.

Happy Fun Pants said...

It's all about you...and you can do anything you put your mind to.

No matter what you choose, I love that you're standing up for your true self.

I've thought about going back - more out of curiousity than anything else - mostly because I know that if I'm not practicing awareness, WW won't work either.

I need to tune into me. When I do, I lose weight - whether with WW or anything else.

Having said that, it's all about you. And there is NOTHING wrong with going back to WW - for one meeting, for a little while, or forever.

Your journey, your decision, your life.

I wish you the very best and I couldn't be more proud to call you my friend!

fatgirlwearingthin said...

Sam, we are all human; things change, life changes, we change. What may work for us one minute may not work the next. If you were continuing to do something that you knew wasn't in your best interest THEN I would be worried. Being aware that you need to try something else is nothing short of commendable. Do what YOU need to do in order to be happy, and others will be happy for you. If they aren't, they aren't worth dealing with.

Natalia said...

Samantha, You are so right, this is about you and what works for you. I may not comment on every post, but know that I'm supporting you just the same!