Conflicted

I have started this post four times now. Here goes number five...

I am conflicted about whether to continue Intuitive Eating or go back to Weight Watchers, or trying in some way to do both. That is my conflict. 

The other conflict was about telling my readers that I was in conflict about this. :0 I have been so worried about what my readers will think. I've been feeling shameful and two faced. Not that either one of them are bad or wrong, It's just I've made such a big deal about not dieting. 

After writing practically two pages of posts trying to make light of this, or trying to justify myself, or trying to explain to you and help you understand I finally came to the realization - it's not about my readers! This is a very personal decision. And if some of my readers want to judge me for that... well then so be it.

My good friend Anne from Smaller Fun Pants has been talking a lot about part of this journey being that she is learning to stand up for herself. I think I am learning that too. Sometimes, it's about standing up to yourself and encouraging yourself to make better choices. And sometimes about standing up for yourself (in a loving way), it's about self respect. I need to do more of both! In continuing my blog, I need to be less fearful about what others will think - and just put myself and honest thoughts on the line.

Last fall, I stood up for myself and I took a chance. I quit dieting and I tried Intuitive Eating. I feel like I learned so much in the first three months. But somewhere a long the way I stopped the number one thing you must do in Intuitive Eating - I stopped being aware. It's important to me that you recognize this not as a fault with the idea or program, but really, it was my choice to do that. I have met some amazing people who have lost and maintained their loss with this life style. I know in my heart that this is the ultimate plan for me. 

I just seem to be struggling a bit with the trusting myself. Trusting my body. I kind of need a push. Weight Watchers is such a great plan, because although yes - it's counting points - it's still a lot about listening to my body and learning to trust - just surrounded with a little more structure. Maybe it's about learning to crawl before you walk? I don't know... maybe I'm justifying myself and my fears. 

Mike said he might be willing to go with me to Weight Watchers, and that is a really big draw! I've been wanting us to really dig down and do this together. He will usually follow along with whatever I am doing, but if he came, I just think we could do it so much better then we ever have before.

Well... as you can see I'm not very close to an answer. But... I will make my decision this weekend and move forward. I've let this week slide, because I really have been quite conflicted about the whole thing. But it's time to decide. Whatever I do, I'm ready to move forward!