Decisions....

I find myself sitting in a similar chair as I was at the end of 2009. 2009 was kind of a crappy year - and truth be told, so was 2011. Although it has ended on a high note, with some goals coming to fruition - so I feel good about that! In 2010 I made some great strides in my life, and actually made some changes. Okay - the changes didn't stick 100%, but still, there was progress. Here I am now, facing lots of the same decisions, with lots of the same emotions, and once again, just craving change. Why do we do that? Why do we allow ourselves to get stuck in the same cycle over and over again. Oh well - such is life I suppose. I guess the real question on my mind now, is what's next? What do I do differently? Do I move forward - and if so - how? (Duh - of course I move forward! :)

I have a new job - and I LOVE it! I am so glad that I left Mozy and am with Stevens Henager now. Here is some free advise - NEVER sacrifice happiness and something you love - for more money! I know that kind of seems obvious, but when you are struggling, it's not always an easy decision. Anyway, I love that I am able to work from home, and really feel like it does and is going to open up a lot of opportunities for us and myself. (Like being able to have a baby with out the panic of trying to figure out how to pay for daycare)

So now there are decisions to be made about debt, weight loss, babies, etc. But not necessarily in that order. :D

Mike and I have been having the discussion that we need to choose a time frame of when we will start working on the baby thing. It will probably take working with a fertiltiy specialist and what not. And as much as we would like to be in a certain position financially and physcially, it's never going to be picture perfect. Last summer my Dr did tell us to wait and to work on getting some weight off so we will not have to be dealing with gestational diabetes. I have lost some weight, but am not quite where I will need to be. So... with that in mind we are considering our options, and my guess is it will be some time in 2012 that we start with the testing and such.

Mike and I have some lofty financial goals this year. We want to be free of the burdens from bad choices in the past. This is going to take a lot of time, dedication, dare I say - patience, and hard work. But I truly believe we can put a dent in these burdens and finally release ourselves from the chains of our past. We have a way to do it - now comes the easy part - doing it! hahahahaha But we do have an awesome business opportunity with Mike's dad, and we are going to take it! More on that later.

And lastly, weight loss. **Sigh**

Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a time in my life when I don't have to spend time, energy, money, emotions, and myself on trying to lose weight. When I will no longer be a "new diet" junky. When I can have a regular relationship with food. When food can simply be nutrition for my body. And I can simply be Sam.

I have met a lot of amazing people over the last two years. Some have been very successful at losing weight and keeping it off. I want to ask them how they did it - not the diet and exercise part, but how did they just keep going. And I wonder if they are stronger then me? Have more will power? Are just freaking rock stars. And I wonder, will I ever get to be on that side of it? I know this is not super upbeat and chipper - like I usually try to be. But... I'm just so stinking sick of being here. I'm almost pissed about it. No... wait... I am pissed about it! And there is only one person to blame. But I know that's not going to do me any good either. So there is only one person that can change me, and that's me. What's that saying, if you want change - then change? Here goes!

Actually, it's really not all that bad as I'm making it seem. Haha. I am actually down about 15lbs from my highest this year. I'm running regularly again. I ran a 10k in Moab at the begining of Dec and finished it. And my eating hasn't been completely rotten. I just haven't had the best couple of days eating wise, and I'm wallowing. Time to stop wallowing!

Last night I watched "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead". This is a documentary on a guy (2 actually) that go on a Fruit/Veggie Juice fast for 60 days. They both lost a ton of weight and felt great! No, I am not planning to do the same thing. But... I was thinking of giving the fast thing a try for maybe 10 days. Something to jump start my new year and my weight loss. One of the bloggers I follow, Becky, is doing this for a couple of days. (Check her site out, lots of great pictures!) So I will be very interested in seeing how it goes for her. If I like it, then I could see doing it for a little while longer. Both Mike and I are wanting to drop some weight before spring for our 1/2 marathons, so maybe this could be very helpful. Who knows? Anyone ever tried it? How was it? How did you feel? Was it yummy? Or gross? Were you starving?

Anyway... that's an update of where I am at in life. I'm really excited for 2012. I think it's going to be a monumental year. We are going to be rid of some heavy debt, hopefully have a busy (and productful) business, lose weight, enjoy some challenging races, hike like maniacs, and with any luck, maybe be pregnant by the end? 

With all this thought on change, I've decided to give blogging a real try again. I think it was a big part of why I was so successful in 2010, and I want to be successful in 2012. Plus this will be a big year for us with all this going on - and I want to have some kind of journal about it all. I don't know that I have any readers left. But hopeful you/they will come back! If you are still here, thanks! Talk to you again soon!