My title is so named because I was listening to this song by Natasha Bedingfield when I started writing this post and it kind of fit. Although, the song and my post are not exactly about the same topic, maybe they will be eventually. Let me explain.
This song is about power. About a woman knowing her power and calling on it. And truthfully, I'm just realizing that I have given my power away. But listening to this song gives me hope that someday I'll get there. She's saying that even if you stripped her down, you couldn't take her voice. My post is more about the fact that I am starting to strip down layers of... protection that I have built up. I am stripping myself down in a lot of ways - I feel very exposed.
Abstinence for me right now means not binging, And I have been abstinent 13 days.
I have been really emotional lately. Today was kind of an up-down-up-down-up day. As I thought about this, and the last week, I realized what might be going on. For the last 12 years or so I have used food (in the form of a binge) to cope with... everything. Sure, I've had moments of sanity. But a good majority of that time I have been hiding. I have buried myself in food (and books, TV, and spending money). I haven't faced my life honestly, or those around me really. It has been my way to
get by. To hide from my feelings most especially. So... this last two weeks I've taken that away. And my feelings are raw and exposed. And honestly I haven't managed them in the best way. I think the Lord knew I just needed some time letting go of the binge (which is far from complete - but it's a start), and that I wasn't ready to face this. But tonight it was put in front of me that just not binging isn't enough. I also get to start learning how to manage these feelings so they don't come out exploding on anyone standing within 20 feet!
Like I said, I am stripping myself down. It hurts and it feels right. It's difficult to take a hard long look at yourself and to learn a new way to live. But I just know that the outcome will be well worth the effort!