Too Many Thoughts

Well, accountability time is here… again. Last Saturday when I weighed in, I gained 2lbs. I didn’t really freak out, because I knew that I had been struggling with the depression and all that, so I knew it was coming. Last night I weighed in, and gained another 3.2lbs. I still didn’t freak out, although I would be lying if I said I was okay with it. Since last Thursday, I have been deep in thought about things, my life, and my goals. Especially after my Weight Watchers meeting, which I spoke about in my last post. So even though I ate a lot of really yummy, tasty, fattening, and cheesy food (hence the 3.2lb gain), I was still engaged in some heavy work in this little brain of mine. The thoughts above are just a few of the things that have been floating around in my brain. You can see it’s a tangled mess.

Last time I did the whole “weight loss” thing, Mike recognized a pattern of mine. I go strong for about 3-4 months, lose about 20-25lbs, and then…. BAM! I hit a wall. It’s a big stupid wall, and I hate it. (Excuse my tantrum!) I don’t know why, or what it is, but I hit that point and can’t seem to get past it. So I finally get frustrated with the yo-yo, and not losing, and just give up. Not this time. Not this year. This dang fat is coming off!

I’ve been spending a lot of time contemplating my past success. I know I blogged about this when I first started my blog, but I have been revisiting it again. If you want to know what I’m talking about, read Past and Now. I really think the reason I had such success at that time in my life, is because one, I was focused more on what God thought, than me. And two, I was focused on serving others a whole lot more than myself. I think the true problem here, I think about me – me –me way too much. As we learn in WW, you need to take time for yourself. You need to care for yourself, before you can care for your others. But there is a fine line between taking care of yourself, and becoming self centered. I feel like I’ve crossed the line.

My good & wise friend, Carrie, left a comment a couple of days ago about focusing on too many things. And she is right, when you focus on too much at once, your effectiveness goes down. However, I kinda feel like I have no choice. There are just too many things that require my attention right now. So for now, I’ll just have to do the best I can. I have three areas that I will be putting as much concentration as I can. Obviously, weight loss. I’ll continue working on my eating habits, on getting exercise everyday during the week, and on changing my thoughts. I’m also going to really start working more on my spiritual goals. I have been slipping on these and feel that they are going to be vital for my success. I MUST focus on my relationship with God. I hope that by doing so, I can adopt his way of thinking about who I am, and let go of the thoughts I have that hold me back. And lastly, I am going to start holding cooking shows again. While this also come down to necessity, I’m really excited about it. I’m one of those weirdo’s that love to sell things and make other people’s lives better. I love to do cooking shows and teach others how to make cooking fun and easy (and healthy of course)! (I’m looking for hostesses, if you’re interested, let me know!! I’ll cook for you and your friends!) So… that’s my plan. I have one more big project I hope to finish up this weekend, and then I’m hoping to be able to get on more of a schedule. That will make it much easier to fit everything that I want to do in, and not to overload myself. Wish me luck!