Giving Up Control

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So this is Willow. This is Willow's ball, we call it "ball" (original, I know). As I was playing with her tonight, I kind of had an "a-ha" moment. We are teaching her to bring her ball and put it in your hand with out fighting over it. This is quite challenging. She loves to play tug-a-war. And she'll come up and bump the ball against your hand, but then if you try and take it she'll dance just out of reach. See video.

Notice how she desperately wants Mike to have the ball so he can throw it for her, but at the same time, she just can't give it up to him. After a second she gets frustrated and gets up to prance around about it, but she has to come back. Because ultimately he holds what she wants. It's not only the ball she has a hard time giving up... really it's the control! Even though she really and truly wants us to play with her, and she knows that if she drops the ball in our hand, we'll give her what she wants... she can't seem to do it. She'll do it every couple of times, and then it takes her another 5 minutes to do it again. Usually in between that 5 minutes, she throws a "tantrum" where she takes her ball and whips it around and whines and moans about how mean we are to her (it's really quite humorous. I tried to get her to do it on the video, but she wouldn't. She is camera shy).

How alike we are! See, I have my ball, which is my weight. And Losing it is like giving up control and dropping it... sometimes I can do it. And sometimes I can't. And sometimes I need to throw a tantrum about it, and sometimes it's really easy. And although I desperately want to let it go so that it can be thrown (away) there are parts of me clinging to it. Because it's safe, and known, and comforting (in some ways). If I let go and drop it, then I have to trust myself, trust others, trust God. And trusting can be scary (even for a dog apparently!). I just thought it was an interesting analogy. It made me realize that I don't want to push and pull with my own "ball" I want to throw it as far as I can from myself. I want to let down all my inhibitions and let myself be free. I want to be free!

Two more videos for you, just because it was funny. I turned the camera on and she started freaking out. And then I just got her playing by herself, she's so cute! Enjoy!